Everyone has their ghosts, their scars, the things that shape them. Some of these things come as you grow, some have been with you ever since you can remember. We all bare marks, the mark I bare is the one of an abandoned heart. It has seared a scar so large at times I thought it was the only thing I could see, the only thing others could see.

An abandoned heart is strong but fragile, guarded but vulnerable, and if it goes unattended it can cripple you.

I have had 20 years to heal my abandoned heart, and what I’ve learned may help heal yours.

1. The decisions of others will effect your life, that doesn’t mean it has to dictate it.

Whoever it was, the one who left, they made a decision and it affected your life. What I’ve come to learn is that the decision was their own along with their reasons, you cannot control the choices of another.

2. Your past shapes who you are, but it does not control you.

The trials of our past has shaped every single one of us, but if we allow it these things can begin to control us. We are to learn from our past, this does not mean allowing to control you.

3. You are not alone.

No one is without scars, no one is without pain. Remember that on the days that your pain consumes you, when the voice in your head is trying to tell you that you are alone.

4. Forgiveness will come in time, don’t rush it.

Another caused our pain; whether it be a parent, girlfriend, boyfriend, friend… somebody left. The pain is deep and it is crippling, until you begin to forgive. Forgiving, it’s like being able to breath again. Forgiving the one who walked away won’t magically fix everything, but it’s a step in the right direction. Don't rush it, this comes with time.

5. You were not meant to understand this.

You can spend hours, days, weeks, years trying to understand why. I’ve come to learn that focusing on the why will only cause more pain. You were not the one who left, and you will never fully understand the reasoning behind why someone did because you are not them. Stop blaming yourself.

6. Do not let your past pain keep you from living

Our initial pain lays the first brick of a wall that is continuously being built, one meant to guard your heart. Caution is not a bad thing, protecting yourself is not a bad thing, but don’t let what has happened in the past put you in a corner. People always leave, but not everyone will.

7. You were never abandoned

The most important thing I have learned in my 20 years is that I was actually never abandoned I was never alone. I have come to know a joy that is steadfast and constant, I am a child of God. So on the day when your abandoned heart is aching a little more than usual, remember that the Creator of the universe is sitting by your side and He will never leave you nor forsake you.

“The Lord your God who goes with you will not leave you or abandon you.” Deuteronomy 31:6.