Disney is one of the most genius companies in existence and I spent my whole childhood (…and adulthood) obsessing over their movies. As a little girl, all I wanted was a prince to sweep me off my feet. Riding off into the sunset, ruling over a land, and wearing gorgeous dresses and tiaras all the time was all part of my wide-eyed, five-year-old dream.

Now, as a 21-year-old having to brave the dating world, I realize that my dream is a tad bit far fetched and those princes don’t have all the characteristics I want in a man. Sure, being good looking, charming, and rich are all very great qualities, but sometimes the princes just don’t get it.

That’s where the sidekick comes in. Much like the beloved “best guy friend," the animal sidekicks could never date the princess (unless they’re into that kind of thing– looking at you, Belle), but they have some great qualities that the princes are lacking.

1. Flounder vs. Prince Eric

Ah, Flounder, total sweetie. He’s a little bit of a scaredy cat, but he’s always down for Ariel’s ideas. If you’re the crazy type, sometimes you need a guy who will admire that wild side, but also keep you safe. That’s exactly what Flounder does – faces his fears for her, but cares about her safety.

I’ll be the first to admit – Prince Eric is a hottie; dark hair and blue eyes are kind of my weakness. But the dude is kind of dumb. (Hellloooo, why did you not let Ariel write her story for you? She may live under the sea, but we know she can at least write her name.)

Aside from that situation which would’ve saved all of us a lot of time and agony, Eric takes Ariel on the worst date ever with a reckless carriage ride, a flipped boat, and no kiss. C’mon.

2. Pascal vs. Flynn Rider/Eugene

Pascal is totally protective of Rapunzel, which is super cute, but he also lets her imagination run wild. He’s always hanging with Rapunzel whether it be modeling dresses she’s sewn, playing chess, or practicing puppetry.

Flynn, on the other hand, likes to act like he’s too cool for school. You know how annoying it is when your boyfriend won’t be silly with you, or ya know, use your hair as a swing with you? It kills your vibe. Don’t be a vibe killer, like Flynn.

3. Raja vs. Aladdin

Sometimes you just need to cry on your tiger’s shoulder about your arranged marriage with a total weirdo.

It’s not all about magic carpet rides, dude. We see right through you, “Prince Ali.”

4. Meeko vs. John Smith

I’ll just ignore the obvious language barrier between John Smith and Pocahontas, first of all. Apparently since Pocahontas can talk to trees, she can speak any language. Also, when daddy doesn’t approve – he’s probably not the right guy for you.

Meeko is the obvious winner here because what guy do you know that can braid hair like this? Seriously that is impressive.

5. Gus Gus vs. Prince Charming

Prince Charming was a total bozo who forgot what the “love of his life” looked like after one night. He then proceeds to have every bachelorette in the kingdom try on her shoe. I guess ole Cindy was miserable in her stepmother’s house because she married an idiot in order to get out of there.

Gus Gus on the other hand – tidies the house, eats crumbs off the floor (who needs a vacuum?), and what lady doesn’t love a good dad bod these days?

6. Ray vs. Naveen

7. Sven vs. Kristoff

Sven is the cutest thing ever, but I don’t need to tell you why he’s better than Kristoff. I’ll just let Kristoff himself explain….