For all those with divorced parents, I understand the struggle you go through. You wonder why they don't love each other anymore, or why they don't get along. You ask, "Why cant they get along now? They got along before. What changed?" As for me, my parents got divorced when I was 5. I can't remember much about them being together; most of those memories have slipped away. What I do remember when they were together, though, was that they always showed me the meaning of love. I thank my parents for showing me that, as many kids don't get the love they need from their parents.
There are many things our parents' divorce can show us, especially in our teenage years. As we grow older, we start to understand why they might have split up in the first place. It was not their intention to hurt us, and I hope you never think that, like I did. They never wanted you to pick a parent as the favorite, even though that's what ended up happening. Seeing my parents fall out of love definitely showed me keys to a relationship that I don't want to have in my marriage. So I personally want to say thank you to my parents. I love you. Here are the seven keys my mom and dad's divorce taught me to have and do in my marriage to make it last.
1. Never go to bed angry.
Going to bed angry causes tension and the possibility to wake up and start your day off terribly. Fix what you're fighting about before you lay your head down at night. It'll ease your mind and give you a better night's rest.
2. Always apologize.
Even if you're right in the argument and they're wrong, just man up and say that you're sorry. In some way, you're part of the reason the argument even got started. So just apologize before it gets out of hand. Be the bigger person.
3. Trust.
Have trust in your partner, or your relationship will continuously have its falls and you'll get sick and tired of it.
4. Communication.
Every one of my older friends, and my elders, always tell me that if you don't have communication, it will never work. My parents never talked like friends. Your husband or your wife is supposed to be your best friend, lover, mind reader, care giver, and therapist. You don't even have to talk to communicate. It can be your body language or facial expressions. Always make the time to show that you are there for your significant other.
5. Touch each other.
I watched my parents sleep in different beds a lot of the time, or sleep at a family member's house. They lost their spark. They didn't kiss anymore, they didn't hold hands, and they definitely didn't hug anymore. Keep the touches there all the time. Kiss and hug every day if you can. There's always time for your partner to feel special. Even if you're just cuddled on the couch watching a chick flick that he hates, but he loves you, so he watches it, anyway.
6. Remember your vows.
They made vows for a reason. To make a promise to one another. 'Til death do you part. I'll never know what exactly happened when they broke their promise to one another, but they agreed to do it. Keep your vows in mind when you start to get a hate fire for your SO. You say those vows for a reason. Don't break that promise. It means more than a pinky promise.
7. Continuously say the three words.
I didn't hear my parents say "I love you" to each other much, but they sure did tell me and my older brother they did. To your whole family, always say "I love you" to each other, even if they do cause a lot of drama and problems. Love keeps us all together. It especially keeps a marriage together. Always say "I love you" and don't ever let them feel like they aren't loved. They deserve to feel special and like they matter.
