My grandfather turns 90 this week. That’s crazy to me. He’s officially seen 90 percent of a century. That's so many years. He’s lived through the Roaring 20s, the Great Depression, fought in World War II in the Philippines. Like, whoa.
All in all, he’s not an extraordinary person. Regardless, after most of a century of living, a person walks away with some profound knowledge. So when brainstorming for article ideas this week, I decided to share what I’ve learned from him over the past 22 years. I didn’t get the chance to sit down with my grandfather and ask him how it feels to hit the big nine-oh -- I’ll get a chance on Saturday, when the whole family will gather to celebrate. This list is composed of lessons I’ve gleaned from his stories and experiences. It’s not straight from the horse’s mouth, but regardless, I think he’d agree.
For a bit of background, he was born in southern Texas 1926, the second eldest of nine. He was forced to leave high school when his father became ill when he was a kid. Despite this, he’s one of the smartest men I know. He speaks German, reads voraciously, and is an encyclopedia of agricultural knowledge. In 1944 he joined the Navy, fought in World War II, then was discharged in 1946. After coming home and transplanting his family from Texas to Missouri, he started his own farm in the 50s and 60s in the southeastern region of rural Missouri. For the past 68 years he’s been married to my grandmother and they still love each other more than anything else. They moved from their farm 18 years ago, but he’s had an extensive garden in his backyard of his suburb split-level every year. In retirement, he and my grandma have travelled extensively throughout the United States. They’ve lived a full life of experiences for a farmer and homemaker from the middle of nowhere Missouri.
1. You Can Always Start Over
My grandparents made a big move from Texas to Missouri early on in their marriage. They came with two babies and not much else. It wasn’t too long after that their house was destroyed by a fire. My grandpa not only maintained the farm but also rebuilt the house by hand. When my grandmother’s mother died, they didn’t hesitate to move from Missouri back to Texas to start all over again. They finally came back to Missouri in the mid-fifties and have stayed there ever since. I cannot imagine in a world before cellphones and the widespread use of commercial planes, a time before the internet, starting over in a place where you know absolutely no one. It literally baffles me. But he took a gamble and established his family there. It really puts things into perspective for a soon-to-be-graduate on the cusp of finding a new start somewhere far from home.
Side note, when they moved to Missouri, everyone refused to pronounce their last name, Heese, correctly. So after a while they just kind of went with it and accepted the new last name. The ultimate fresh start includes a whole new name, right?
2. Celebrate Your Past
My grandparents both come from extremely German families and a very proud of this fact. Grandpa still speaks some German, and they’ve visited the “homeland” several times. On Sunday mornings they sit in their sunroom and listen to old folk songs on cassettes. I think their favorite holiday might be the Ernte-Fest, or German Harvest festival their community hosts every year, complete with a bier garten and polka music. They take a lot of pride in their heritage, even as their children and grandchildren move further and further from some of the traditions.
3. Open Arms and Minds
One of the most distinct holiday memories I have is from middle school, when a pair of Mormon missionaries rang the doorbell in the midst of Thanksgiving dessert. They were ushered in, seated in the middle of the family table, and given pie. My grandpa was fascinated, as he’d only ever really met Protestants and other Catholics, so he took a particular interest in their message. In his position, I probably would have awkwardly stood at the door, accepted a few pamphlets, then let the young men go on their way. But that’s not how John Heese operates. Without a doubt, my grandfather possess a charming, unfailing openness. All are welcome in the Heese household, probably because everyone has some story or experience to share. For what he missed in high school, my grandpa has steadily made up for it with his wide curiosity.
4. Duty
In 1944, John Heese joined the Navy and for the next two years he sailed the Pacific, mostly between the Philippines and Guam. He doesn’t really talk about it much, but I know it’s something he takes a certain quiet pride in. Two years ago he was fortunate enough to go on the Honor Flight, a program designed to give veterans closure by taking them to Washington D.C. to experience all the memorials dedicated to them. While he had great time, it never felt like something he believed he was entitled to -- because to him, I think, joining the Navy was simply something one had to do.
5. Keeping Close is Worth It
My grandpa is the only person I know who enjoys talking on the phone and writing letters. Well, him and all of his friends, who are spread out across the midwest. Even in their late 80s, both he and my grandma regularly call, write letters and cards to stay in touch with their friends. They’re significantly better at maintaining long-distance friendships than me without the aid of social media or cell phones. But that’s because they put a priority on it. When I reach 89 I can only pray I’ll still be able to hold a pen let alone write.
6. Love is Everything
You know that commercial with the overly-honest grandfather? The one where his granddaughter asks, “When did you know grandma was the one?” clearly hoping to hear some beautiful story of an old-timey romance, and to her great disappointment he replies, “When her sister dumped me.”
Yeah, that’s not to far off from what my grandparent’s courtship looked like.
But they’ve been married for close to seventy years and they are still going strong. So clearly all of that dating-her-sister stuff didn’t really matter in the long run. Still from the way they tell it it wasn’t terribly romantic at all, even with my grandfather having just come back from the war (looking like a total fox, btw) and my grandma being entirely adorable and the absolute queen of her school’s tennis team.
As a young adult it’s easy to get disillusioned with the idea of love. This summer two days after a painful breakup, my grandmother went in for knee replacement surgery. My emotions were pretty messy and overall negative; I was feeling both very worried (for my gran) and very cynical (because my heart had been crushed 48 hours prior to the surgery). Thankfully, I was not so self-obsessed that I failed to notice my grandfather’s anxiety as the four-hour procedure progressed. The heart-stopping moment came when they wheeled her back into the room. He stepped in the way of the nurses and made them halt the bed so he could bend down a kiss her, even though she was still out cold. All of him was very shaky. You could tell he’d probably never been so worried in all his life. It’s moments like that when you realized feel shitty over a guy you’d only been seeing for two months is pretty petty.
7. Do What You Love
In his retirement my grandfather has taken up urban farming, amature wine-making, travel, and an interest in old cars and tractors. He shares these interests liberally -- particularly in the wine area -- and is clearly enjoying his retirement. While it’s very positive to see him tinker with his Model A Ford, weed his turnips, pass out wine at Christmas, etc, I’m saddened knowing that he spent the first 60 years of his life unable to do a lot of the things he loved. A father of five supporting his children in addition to his parents and several siblings probably didn’t have a lot of time for leisure activities. While I have no doubt he’s had a happy life and generally seems to enjoy himself, I’m making the conscious decision to appreciate the hard work he and my own parents have put forth to get myself and my brother where we are.So Happy Birthday, Grandpa. I highly doubt you will get a chance to read this, but on the off chance that you do, I hope you know I'm honored to be your granddaughter and I appreciate all that you've done throughout your life that has allowed me to reach this place in mine. In another 68 years I hope my grandchildren will be half as lucky to have a grandparent as steadfast as you.
