7 Terrible Plot Summaries For The Harry Potter Books | The Odyssey Online
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7 Terrible Plot Summaries For The Harry Potter Books

Boy is told he's special, goes to elite school and dies.

 Alan Yeh
Feb 08, 2016
Hamilton College
841
7 Terrible Plot Summaries For The Harry Potter Books
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You may or may not have already read the books, but you should still read these terrible plot summaries. If these summaries spoil anything, I seriously have no regrets because these books have been out forever and where have you even been to have missed out on this magical cultural phenomenon?

Disclaimer: I am an avid Potterhead and do not believe that the following summaries accurately summarize the books in any way. Read the headline. They’re terrible. Please, I beg of you, do not use this as a source (whether cited or not) for a school project or anything academic for that matter.

1. Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone

Neglected boy with a scar finds out he’s special and goes to an elite boarding school where he encounters classism. He makes two awesome friends, plays an intense game of chess, and meets his parents’ murderer.

2. Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets

Young, impressionable students use derogatory slurs. Super senior secretly flirts with young, impressionable girl with a series of flattering notes. Too many students get stoned, and so main boy goes to the girls’ bathroom to get to the root of the problem.


3. Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

Closeted werewolf professor proves the medicinal properties of chocolate. Big Bird gets sentenced to death. Bushy-haired girl decides to stop putting up with patriarchal bullshit, and punches blond bigot in the face. Bearded godfather escapes the grasp of the prison-industrial complex.


4. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

Boy discovers the dire consequences of being a student athlete. Noseless man boops boy on the forehead, awkwardly boasting that he can finally touch him.

5. Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

Crazy racist lady with an unhealthy obsession with cats and the color pink comes to the school and all hell breaks loose. A bunch of students form a cult to worship a really old man. Students venture into a room filled with magical balls.

6. Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

Friendless chemistry lover gets friend-zoned and leaves his book at school which gets found by a talentless boy who uses it to cheat and impress an old man. Creepy school romances and sexual undertones ensue.


7. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

Angst-filled teenager decides to skip school and dies. He gets revived by magic or something or whatever, and faces an even greater challenge: parenthood.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
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