I have to admit my share of fangirl moments when it comes to the all-consuming work of Taylor Swift. I've attended concerts in homemade T-Shirts and tutus, covered in glitter and ready to experience one of the best performances of my life. I follow her Instagram and awww over her cats and wish more than anything that I had her wardrobe waiting for me at home. And while her songs are more than fun to dance to and blast over road trips, whether long or short, I have to admit a slight hesitancy when it comes to some of the lyrics Swift chooses to define love, relationships, and all they entail.

1. "Like any great love, it keeps you guessing / Like any real love, it's ever changing / Like any true love, it drives you crazy." ("Welcome to New York;" 1989)


This summer I visited New York for the first time since I was too young to remember it, so you'd better believe the 1989er was at the top of my playlist. But every time this lyric played, I cringed internally. Is this really what we hope and expect love to be like? Uncertain, unstable and undependable? Spontaneity has its place in relationships; but not in a relationship's foundation. The constant, crazy rush of emotion described here is not great, real, or true love, but adrenaline gleaned from infatuation.

2. "Remind her how it used to be / With pictures in frames of kisses on cheeks." ("How You Get The Girl;" 1989)


Love is an incredible gift we have the opportunity to experience with people. And like all gifts, it comes with a cost. The person loved has been given the power to up and leave, to hurt. You might discover you want different things out of life, or run into a fundamental trust issue that can't really be fixed. Relationships end for any number of valid reasons. While it is nice to think about how things "used to be," it doesn't change how they are now. Letting sentimental photos and thoughts of the good times be the reason to reevaluate a past relationship isn't usually the best idea.

3. "You're thinking that I hate you now / 'Cause you still don't know what I never said." ("I Wish You Would;" 1989)


Maybe it's just the communication major in me, but if you need to say something to someone you're in a relationship with, say it. Don't let things drift off into oblivion because you let a moment pass by. And if the moment did pass, call them up and say it anyway. Be intentional.

4. “Heart break is the national anthem
 / We sing it proudly /
 We are too busy dancing
 / To get knocked off our feet.” (“New Romantics;” 1989 DLX)

This song has a distinctly sardonic sound to it, and therefore I am not criticizing the lyric itself but the fact that hey, it’s kinda true. The reason this song is so great is because it throws this all back in our faces: Secretly, we’re all masochists. So we build relationships to knock them down and then maybe we’ll feel something. “New Romantics” speaks to the next generation of relationships, which scares me. Somehow pain and love have been twisted to mean the same thing. They aren’t.

5. "My mind forgets to remind me / You're a bad idea / You touch me once and it's really something." ("Sparks Fly;" Speak Now)


I feel like I'm about to rehash a known point that is somehow is still a problem. Physical attraction will never, ever be able to atone for deeper relational issues. Present self is gratified at the expense of future self. And though you aren't yet acquainted with future self, I can guarantee that he or she will be more than thankful if you spare him or her. Because really, your mind doesn't forget to remind you; you just pretend like it doesn't matter.

6. "But I miss screaming and fighting and kissing in the rain / And it's 2 a.m. and I'm cursing your name / You're so in love that you act insane." ("The Way I Loved You" Fearless)


This whole love-hate relationship thing reminds me too much of The Notebook's Noah and Allie. It can make for a great story, but acted out in real life it's not so fun. Again, we're back at a constant shift between two emotional extremes. Love, fundamentally, is not an emotion but rather a choice. Letting emotion alone dictate behavior is a selfish way of going about life. This does nothing to demonstrate the real characteristics of unconditional love which is patient and kind, not rude or boastful or proud, arrogant or selfish; delighting in the truth and keeping no record of wrongs.

7. "I'm only up when you're not down / Don't wanna fly if you're still on the ground." ("I'm Only Me When I'm With You;" Taylor Swift)


I'll be a little more lenient on this one because, hey, it's 2007 Taylor. But this idea of letting another person's actions dictate your own is a little concerning. Yes, two people in a relationship are ultimately a team, but the setup of this song bothers me because it implies that you cannot be you without another person. This is a dangerous mindset to get into. The reality is that you cannot be in a relationship unless you are solid as an individual, fulfilled in Christ alone.

Sometimes we have to take a look at what we listen to and ask ourselves how it’s affecting us. We don’t mean for these words to define our relationships, but do they anyway? There’s a fine line between blasting “Blank Space” for fun and actually believing that boys only want love if it’s torture. In this crazy emotional, hyper sexualized world, it’s not a bad idea to stop and take stock of what’s sticking to our minds as truth.