Ladies and gentlemen, we are now approaching mid-September, and with it comes signs that the change in season is nearly upon us. For some, autumn looks like golden leaves and tastes like a pumpkin chai latte. For others — it means frostbite, uncomfortable layers, and about 20 pounds of winter weight. If you're part of the second camp, then this post if for you.
Here are seven signs that you are not ready, and definitely not looking forward to the impending season of "Sweater Weather."
1. You don't own a sweater
While some may balk at the notion of someone not owning suitable winter attire, we summer and spring lovers would rather make clothing choices that reflect the seasons that we enjoy. Also, sweaters are usually pretty itchy, hot, and unattractive when worn on 95 percent of the general population. Ever wondered why ugly sweater contests are a thing?
2. You've begun an un-friending/un-following spree
Sort of like when people post about the most recent episode of "The Bachelor," "GoT," or "OITNB" (etc.) that you haven't seen yet, there are those few friends you have who like to post about the coming of fall.
You've seen them; the, "Can't wait to break out my sweater," posts and hipster, coffee-sipping, open-fingered glove shots on Instagram. It makes you sick. As it should, so unfollowing these cold-weather worshippers is just plain logical. They weren't your real friends anyway.
3. You become significantly more irritable for the next six months
The days are shorter, and so is your temper. No, you do not think that it would be a fun idea to play in the leaves. No, you do not want a pumpkin-flavored anything. No, you do not appreciate temperatures below 75 degrees. Just no.
4. You're not a huge fan of layers
Getting ready for the fall and winter in some areas (like the Midwest) means two pairs of socks, long johns, pants, boots, three shirts, a light jacket, a heavy jacket, a hat, scarf, and a parka—just to be safe. It's a lot to put on and take off at the end of the day. What kind of crazy person likes looking like the Michelin man?
5. You prefer summer sports to fall/winter ones
Hmm, volleyball or snowball fights? Surfing or snowboarding? Salt water and sand or snow and ice? It's a no-brainer really.
6. You're in mourning
Even though summer vacation ended just a few weeks ago, you've begun looping your "Sad, Somber or Slow" playlist featuring Adele, Sam Smith, and Bon Iver. You've spent hours poring over your Facebook pictures from a summer spent in [insert cool summer place here], and you have a tear-stained pile of tank tops lying in the middle of your floor. You knew this time would come, you just had hoped it wouldn't be so soon...
7. You're already counting down the days until Spring
Although the mere thought of the upcoming cold months bring waves of nausea and despair, you are able to maintain a modicum of sanity by counting down the days until the sun comes out and you're able to wear your favorite sandals again. You can view the number of days until spring here. Until then, enjoy your fall shows, and fake it till you make it. You've done it before, and you can do it again.
