Last week, I covered 7 Shows That Should Have Gone to Broadway. These are the seven shows that, sadly, went in their place. While there isn't a lot of specific criteria, I did take into account their Tony performances, the overall soundtrack, critical review, and how much they have stood the test of time since their debut. I'm also staying away from the "classics" of Broadway, as even if they are eccentric, they obviously work in some way, so these are new ones to flame on here.
1. Monty Python's Spamalot
Shit. They have a character shit everywhere on the stage throughout the musical. I mean, it is Monty Python, but they seriously thought that was good enough to get to Broadway? The lyrics are somewhat decent, and it is nice to hear "Always Look on the Bright Side of Life" sung by Tim Curry, but besides that, their mother was a hamster and their father smelt of elderberries.
2. The Wedding Singer
Ok, my issue with this one is small, but why couldn't Adam Sandler be cast in this version? In fact, why make this at all or why call it "The Wedding Singer?" They made so many changes translating this from screen to stage that it may as well be called "Guy Who Sings" instead because it became so generic.
3. Legally Blonde
Hollywood, inserting songs into a movie does not make a Broadway musical. When are you going to get that into your big corporate heads? My fault in this is very simple, they inserted songs where they were not needed, most of which were fluff, and while a majority of these songs did convey plot, most of the plot was given in dialogue in between breaks of music. Then what is the point of the song? And when that wasn't done, the plot was stated immediately following the song, rendering the dialogue completely repetitive.
4.Once
Where do I start with "Once?" The story is boring, the acting is beyond uninspiring, and will people ever stop using the "cast is also the orchestra" setup? It does not work. If we can't be sold on Patti Lupone on a tuba and playing Mrs. Lovett, then we can never be sold on this concept. Just stop doing it please. I beg of you.
5. Spiderman: Turn Off the Dark
Can we just admit that the only reasons this show ran so long was because they needed to pay off the enormous debt accumulated in pre-production and previews? Not to mention the reason most people paid for a ticket in the first place: to see one of the many injuries that went with the show due to faulty rigging. That's the only reason I wanted to see it.
6. Bullets Over Broadway
What hasn't "Bullets Over Broadway" done that someone else hasn't already done? Seriously, think about it. The plot is literally the grittiness of "The Producers" meets the love story of "42nd Street." Nothing original, nothing really new. Just because that one guy from "Scrubs" and Woody Allen were involved does not make it a hit.
7. Rocky
There is one and only one Rocky Balboa and that is Sylvester Stallone. That's it. I really don't need another reason, but if you want one, it's the marketing and execution of this musical. They only had one good song, "Eye of the Tiger," and their Tony performance was way lackluster.
Overall, these are all the shows that should not have made it to Broadway, yet somehow they did. Maybe some musical genius will take these shows back to Broadway and show us why they deserved to be there, but until then, these shows prove just because you can set an idea to music doesn't mean that it should be.
