1. You never think you're gonna get hired.
"Why would anyone hire me for a job? I've never worked for anyone in my entire life! I have no experience, few redeeming values as a human being, and I don't even know how to work a cash register. I'm basically useless. Do you think its too late to just ask my parents if I can live off of them forever?"
2. You fill out your resume and realize you don't have any skills.
"So uhh...I go to school and don't totally fail my classes I guess? I mean I could probably put down that I'm a 'good listener' and a 'team player' even though I barely pay attention in class and have never been on a team ever... yeah that'll work."
3. You get a call for an interview and start plotting what you're gonna say.
"What is my biggest weakness? Gosh, why do they always have to ask that! Do I say that I'm a people pleaser or that I work so hard I never have time for myself? I mean, they're both lies, but every job prep website tells me those are the best weaknesses to have so I gotta use them! What about when they ask me about past experience? Maybe I could make up a group project I did where I led my team instead of leaving class every five minutes to get Takis from a vending machine."
4. When you get to the interview you almost completely panic.
"What if they ask me who I am? I don't know who I am! Who asks something like that like I'm actually supposed to know the answer. Make eye contact – stop looking at the floor! The manager is not the devil! Why did you wear this hideous shirt? You look like a 40-year-old woman! I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I'M DOING!"
5. Later that day, you wait for them to call you back and start doubting you'll get hired.
"They're not gonna hire me. Nope. Nada. Ziltch. I'll never get hired. Ever. I'm just gonna live my life in my parent's garage until I die. This is the end. RIP."
6. They call you back and tell you that, somehow, you got hired.
"Wait, what? They actually hired me? I know I should be really excited right now, and part of me is, but I'm just really, really confused."
7. When it hits you that you actually have to start working now.
"Great, guess whose finally starting to devote countless hours of my life to something that I don't even really care about? Yeah, me. Thanks capitalism."
