My boyfriend and I started dating freshman year of college, and we’ve been going strong for almost nine months now. It hasn’t always been easy, and I am far from an expert in terms of relationships, but I watched many of my friends go through a lot of heartache during the first year of college, and I just wanted to share a few of my observations. This is by no means a complete list, or completely accurate. It’s just a few suggestions.
1) Don’t:
Start dating someone within the first two weeks of school.
Believe me, I know its tempting. You’re in a new place, you’re really excited and making a bunch of new friends, and heaven knows the people are extremely cute. But before you jump into something that’s going to crumble after a month or two, stop and remember that you’ve really only known that person a short while. You don’t really know who they are yet.
2) Do:
Be friends with said person first.
It is super difficult to maintain a relationship with someone purely based on your romantic interest in each other. You really shouldn’t date someone solely because you’re attracted to them. You have to find out if you can spend time with each other without being bored, and if you can hold a conversation about anything other than how pretty you think each other is.
3) Don’t:
Spend literally all your time with the person you like/are dating.
You’re not spending $20,000 a year to date somebody. You’re paying a buttload of money to get an education and become a more well-rounded and critically thinking person. You need to get out there and have experiences, talk to people you normally wouldn’t, and broaden your worldview. If you can do this with a boyfriend/girlfriend by your side, great! But it’s really easy for your other friends to feel like you’ve abandoned them if all you do is hang out with your crush. Make sure you make time for everyone in your life and make them feel appreciated.
4) Do:
Be as patient as you can.
Once your find the person you’re sure you want to be with, it can be really tempting to just dive right into the relationship. You like them, a LOT, and you know they like you, and you just want to be able to kiss them already. But my advice is, hold out as long as you can. Make triply sure that this is really what you want to do right then, and that this is the person you want to be with. You only have so much time to spend at college, and you don’t want to waste it by being with someone who doesn’t really care about you.
5) Don’t:
Expect everything to be perfect.
Ever heard of the honeymoon phase? It’s great, it really is, but you can’t coast on the peaceful bliss of a new relationship forever. Love is not a feeling, it is a decision, and if you want to maintain a solid relationship, you have to work at it. Put in time to really talk to the person you’re dating.
6) Do:
Be honest.
If something is bugging you, don’t keep it to yourself. If the person you’re dating really cares about you, they will want to hear if there’s something that’s on your mind. It will be difficult, and probably awkward, but being vulnerable with someone is the best way to become closer with them. I don’t mean that you should make them the personal dumping ground of all your emotions. It’s equally important that they feel listened to and understood as well. It’s a delicate balance, but it’s not too hard to find if you’re willing to work together. And that’s the most important part. You guys are a team, and it should feel like it. If it doesn’t, maybe think about reconsidering.
7) Don’t:
Take anything I just said at face value.
I am no expert. Some things work for one person that don’t work for others. Some people need different things in their relationships. Find what works for you, and don’t be afraid to change it if it stops working. All in all, your relationship should not exist to make anyone happy except for the two of you. Don’t worry about what anyone else says. You do you, and good luck.
