65 Thoughts I Had While Watching The New Live-Action 'Jungle Book'
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65 Thoughts I Had While Watching The New Live-Action 'Jungle Book'

This was so much more than the cartoon.

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65 Thoughts I Had While Watching The New Live-Action 'Jungle Book'
Movie Web

This weekend marked the beginning of Reading Week here at Yale, where you are given copious amounts of time to study and write papers in preparation for Finals Week. Naturally, I spent my Friday night at the movies instead of working on said papers and studying for upcoming finals. A few friends and I had been talking about the new live action version of "The Jungle Book" and were eager to check it out. Now, I'm not going to lie, I was basically just expecting the same exact movie as the animated version from my childhood with zoo animals. As these thoughts will show (*spoilers included*), this version was so much more than I was expecting. I was not emotionally prepared. 18 hours later, it still has me reeling.

1. Wait, why is this kid being chased? We are three seconds into this movie and he's already running for his life? Oh, thank god, it's just Bagheera.

2. Quite cramping this kid's style, Bagheera. I don't think this 10-year-old child can ever actually outrun a panther, even if you all pretend he is a wolf.

3. These wolf siblings are adorable. Quit pouting, Mowgli, and play with your little wolf brother.

4. A water truce? Does this really work? I am not buying this.

5. Now they are all scared of Bagheera? The dude is best friends with a 10-year-old boy. If he hasn't eaten him yet, I think you are all safe.

6. How have they all lived in the same jungle and never seen the man-cub before?

7. Oh no. Oh no. Yeah, that tiger can just go back up to the top of the rocks, thanks.

8. Quit smelling around for Mowgli. Why is this moment so tense? Please just go away now. You are really scaring me.

9. OK, so he's just going to threaten them. Good thing it will be ages before the drought is gone. Mowgli should be fine for a while.

10. Are you serious? A monsoon?

11. Well, scratch that idea. Guess Mowgli should start to be a little nervous.

12. Yes, Mama Raksha. Protect that adorable man-cub.

13. Mowgli, what are you doing? Go back to your little spot in the cave. Just go back.

14. This is the saddest mother-son parting. I was not prepared for this. Why didn't anyone tell me to bring tissues?

15. This Mowgli is so sassy. Bagheera is going to smack you if you keep trying to outsmart him.

16. It got really quiet again. The last time it got quiet the damn tiger showed up. Oh no. It's the tiger.

17. Man, this tiger can seriously take a beating. How did Bagheera not take him down there?

18. Mowgli is stuck down in a ravine with a bunch of stampeding animals while a jungle cat looks down on him. Please tell me this is a trial-run for a live action Lion King. Please.

19. Yes, jump on that random animal's back and mooch off him for a ride. Smart thinking, kid.

20. Oh lord. They are all going to get swept away by this flood. Oh, wait. Luckily this kid can swim.

21. Phew. Back on dry land. Hold up. Please tell me that's not what I think it is. Don't pick it up. Of course. It's a giant snake skin. This snake is humongous. I don't think this is going to be the same endearingly evil snake with a sinus infection from the animated version.

22. Oh, we're OK. Maybe he's just going to run off with these weird little creatures that stole his food.

23. Just kidding. He's lost and that tree is moving now. Of course it's moving.

24. This snake is so sinister. Please quit talking. Scarlett Johansson, you are really freaking me out. Please stop.

25. Well, no wonder Shere Khan hates you so much, little dude. You were an adorable child though.

26. Wait, how did you just run up to Bagheera when you were an infant and pet his face? How did you play with his giant teeth without getting your arm bitten off? This seems like a highly unlikely scenario.

27. Oh no. I forgot that you were getting hypnotized by a huge snake that wants to eat you. This does not look good.

28. Woah. Yes mysterious dark animal savior.

29. Ah, I wondered when Baloo would come in. Jeez, I know you save the kid's life but give him a minute to catch his breath before you call in any favors.

30. OK, this Baloo is sort of Bro-ey. I was not expecting this.

31. Mowgli, you poor, poor child. Of course the bees sting. Great, not only does Baloo think he's a bro, but he also appears to be a con artist. Oh well, at least he's funny.

32. He's really going to take him back to the man village? Wait, he can't because we aren't that far into the movie.

33. Oh, I see what you did there you tricky bear. Nice. Get the poor boy being hunted by a tiger to do all of your work for you.

34. Hmmm, back to the wolf pack? God, no. It's the crazy tiger. Oh, he did not just do that. He did not just walk up to the top of Akela's rock throne thing and sit down all casually. This tiger is so unnerving.

35. Fair point, Akela. Please just leave tiger. Wait. What? You can't just turn around and throw Akela off a cliff? How is this movie just rated PG? I am 21 and can't handle it. Sorry, wolf pack, but looks like the tiger is definitely in charge.

36. Thank god, we're back to Mowgli. This kid is an engineering genius. Someone get him in contact with MIT or something.

37. Mowgli and Baloo are seriously tone deaf. Like please just stop singing.

38. No, there is something in the grass. I can't deal with another tiger run in right now. Oh, good. It's just Bagheera.

39. Don't sleep on it until morning. Get the kid to the man village. There is a homicidal tiger on the loose.

40. Mowgli, stay in bed. Do not go toward the upset elephants. OK. Or be a total badass and save the baby elephant. Whatever.

41. Finally, Baloo understands the trouble. Go tell him to go. Wait. Don't be so mean about it. This is heartbreaking. Oh no, now this poor little child thinks no one loves him.

42. How many times does this kid have to be taken away by weird animals? Seriously? Monkeys just scoop him up?

43. How have they not dropped this child as they throw him assembly line style?

44. OK? This doesn't really seem like a lot of food for 1000 monkeys. OMG. What is that giant hand. Why is this movie so obsessed with abnormally large animals?

45. King Louie was not this scary in the cartoon. Please get out of there. Oh god. Not the song. No, you can't sing that lighthearted cartoon song without making my skin crawl.

46. Yes, Bagheera and Baloo to save the day. Distract that abnormally large monkey, Baloo. Yes. Crap. Of course they notice him sneaking away.

47. Woah. Calm down, King Louie. Calm down. Please quit running. This movie is not suitable for children. Or apparently 20-year olds. Please quit chasing. No not hide and seek. I can't handle this. Get out of there. OK, note to self: never throw such a huge tantrum that you cause your home to collapse on top of you.

48. Phew. Relief. Except now Mowgli found out Akela is dead and is going rogue.

49. No. Why is Shere Khan still hanging out with the wolves? And he has Raksha's babies!

50. This story is so messed up. Please stop playing these psychological mind games and give Raksha her children back. There you go. Let them go. No. You can't let all but one go! We get your point; you are one messed up tiger.

51. Mowgli's going back to the village. OK. Getting the fire. To take into a jungle. This just seems like a disaster waiting to happen.

52. How can he run through the jungle without blowing out this tiny torch? Great. You just dropped a spark. How can you not see that the jungle behind you is on fire?

53. Why are all of these animals just casually hanging out at the water hole? It's the middle of the night. Go to sleep.

54. Maybe don't yell out for the murderous tiger? Oh no. Quit blaming Mowgli for the fire. I don't like where this is going. Please don't turn all of the animals against the small child.

55. Why would you throw your torch in the fire? Are you planning to fight a grown tiger with your bear hands?

56. Yes, Shere Khan. For once we're on the same page. That was stupid of Mowgli.

57. Go, Baloo. And Bagheera. And the wolves. Yes to solidarity.

58. How is this tiger taking out like 30 full grown animals simultaneously? What kind of super tiger is this?


59. OK, Mowgli. Go get some fire. Hurry up because Shere Khan is literally right behind you.

60. Please let this weird contraption he is planning work. My heart can't take any more tension right now. Why did no one emotionally prepare me for this movie?

61. Where is the tiger? Ah. There. Wait, the tiger is gone again. Shit. There he is. Run up the tree faster!

62. Will the tree branch please break and drop the tiger down into the fire already? I cannot handle this emotional turmoil any longer.

63. Victory! Also how in the world did Mowgli land perfectly on that little tree swing thing he built? Whatever I don't even care as long as I never have to see that terrifying tiger again.

64. So, Mowgli is basically the biggest badass around with his herd of elephants to dam the water to put out the fire. OK, little guy. I see you.

65. Mowgli brings all the jungle animals together and has a super awesome wolf family. Yes. This is such a better ending than when he went off with that girl getting water from river in the animated version.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
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