Trump is going to make this country great again. That is certain. The only uncertainty is who will help him on his path to glory. All of his cabinet nominations so far have been flawless. However, many liberals are condemning them for being "unqualified" and even "the very exact opposite of what makes sense, like I don't get it, is it a joke?" Clearly, they are brainwashed by the lamestream media. Since these silly reporters are not doing their job, I thought I would write an article on some great Trump cabinet picks you may not have heard of.
1. Secretary of Pediatric Health- President Snow
2. NASA- Darth Sidious
Unlike many of Trump's nominees who have received scrutiny for being unqualified to run their department, the sith lord actually has years of experience with space travel and aeronautics. However, opponents have still found something to latch their little baby smooth girl hands on to and criticize, of course. Democrats have pointed fingers at his questionable past, including but not limited to destroying the Jedi Order, establishing an evil galactic empire, and obliterating an entire planet of people under his reign. That being said, his qualifications are like no other.
3. Secretary of Transportation- your neighbor Kurt who doesn't own a car and is always asking for rides
You know Kurt. Yeah, he's now an important voice in the presidential cabinet. A basic unknown to politics, Kurt is a great outsider to help Trump finally drain the swamp! He has yet to speak to the press. However, Kurt's publicist and mother sent out a statement yesterday, most notably asking if anyone could drive him to the White House on Mondays and Fridays when she has spin class.
4. Ambassador to India- The first Indian Trump supporter they could find
"I'm Pakistani," witnesses say the India Ambassador nominee screamed as he was dragged out of a Trump "Thank you Tour" rally by two secret service agents. No comments have been made by him or the Trump team since of his whereabouts. "He cannot talk right now, he's very busy getting ready to serve our country and our new president," Trump's Counselor, Kellyane Conway, said in an interview on Meet The Press last Monday. "All he wanted me to tell the public was that he's very excited to start his new job and, to his children, that Daddy is going to be alright." Adorable. He's the type of family man we want in office.
5. Secretary of Human Services- Hannibal Lecter
"I really have a passion for people," Lecter said enthusiastically when asked why he believes he was picked for the job. Not much experience with the government (like we want that, ha!), but obviously a man who is craving a change in Washington!
6. EPA- Pollution Itself
Sources say the Trump administration went back on their nomination of Scott Pruitt, stating that he had too much of a "pro-environment" stance. When asked what led them to this conclusion, they cited leaked footage of Pruitt saying "The best Earth is clean Earth." It was a fatal blow to Pruitt's political career. To take place of Pruitt, the Trump team has found a more conservative, pro-capitalism nominee: pollution itself. "Just pollution itself," Trump said when asked to elaborate. He then yelled at the reporter for being fake and left the room without answering any more questions. Whatever he means by that, I'm sure he knows what he's doing. Looks like all of Trump's cabinet, even the lesser known ones, are going to do an incredible job at making American great again!
