Ah, college. That magical place where dreams get narrowed down. For many, going to college is their first taste of living away from home. Furthermore, it's is a place where one can meet new people, try new things, and really reinvent themselves. And as any high school graduation card will tell you, college is an opportunity for self-discovery. However, it's not always a necessarily GOOD discovery. Here are 6 things you figure out in college that you probably didn't need to know.
1. You may not be as smart as you thought
You aced every test in high school with little to no studying. You must be some sort of genius, right? College should be smooth sailing all the w--wait is that a 68? Can grades go that low? Your whole world stops when you bomb that first test. Everyone always told you how smart you were, but as it turns out, you might just be on the wrong side of mediocre. Call this one a blessing in disguise though; after this first test, you're going to bust your ass to pass the next one, and that sense of panic and existential dread really builds character!
2. You can't cook
You've heard all the stories about college students surviving mostly off of instant ramen and Fireball, but your body is a temple and you're going to eat healthy! After spending your entire tuition at Whole Foods, you return home to get cooking. Three hours and two fire alarms later, you're in a fetal position next to the ashes of what was supposed to be the perfect risotto. Hopefully, the pizza place delivers.
3. You can't budget
So you have this much for textbooks, that much for food, and plenty left over for entertainment and other commodities. You're such a pro at money management all you're missing is the Excel spreadsheet. You're set! You are on top of things! You are in charge! You are...down to your last $4, eating cashews out of a coffee mug and crying into a throw pillow. And it's only November.
4. You have some kinks
When everyone told you college was a time for experimenting, you figured they meant the kind that happens in the science labs. Technically, they weren't that far off, but in your case, it involved sneaking in at night because this was the next academic building you had to check off your "fuck-et list". No one was wearing a lab coat, but you kept the goggles and latex gloves. After all, safety first!
5. No degree is safe
First of all, I'm a communication major so I have no right to talk about useless degrees, but let's face it--they're kind of all useless. Seriously, unless you're an engineer graduating suma cum laude, you're probably going to have some trouble. Your chances of getting a job right out of college are about the same as your chances of sharing this article--nonexistent, unless you're my mother. You know how baby turtles hatch on land and either make it to the ocean or die? That's you.
6. People are shit
I know that sounds like a button that a cashier from Hot Topic would have on their backpack, but admit it, it rings true. Obviously no, not everyone you've met is shit, but coming to college is like stepping out of a ball pit into a minefield. You've met some people that you didn't think existed in reality, people so crude, bigoted, malignant, and downright moronic that you had to check and make sure you hadn't stumbled into a Youtube comments section. If you haven't met any shit people, you probably are the shit person.
So What Do We Do, Author of Infinite Wisdom?
Suffer. No, seriously. You have to come to terms with these discoveries, whether you want to or not. The only scenario worse than realizing all of these things about yourself is never realizing these things about yourself. Does it suck? Absolutely. Do you grapple with existential anxiety? Occasionally. Will these discoveries help you grow as a person and define your identity as you mature? We can only hope.
