Being a mom is scary. Belive me. You learn to be a functioning zombie who at times has only slept 7 hours in the last 3 days. Babies have high demands and can leave us with with short fuses.
Your queazy stomach conquers its own fears after being spit up on and cleaning up a blown out diaper that smells just as bad as mustard gas. Kid shows? Forget about it. I can sing you every single song thats ever been sung by those cheery little Disney characters in their clubhouse.
As tall of an order it is to be a mom, it's the most rewarding thing. Right now I'm teaching my toddler shapes and colors, but these lessons i hope she always hold near and dear to her heart.
1. Whoever you are, whoever you love, my love will never change.
I was lucky. I remember being four years old sitting on my dad's lap. He said to me that he loved me unconditionally; that I could love boys, girls, purple people with green polka dots.That no matter who I chose to love his love for me would never change. At the age of four I didn't understand what he was talking about.
At the age of 23, on the other hand, I recognize the importance of what he had said to me. Millions of other people have begged and yearned for their own parents to utter the same words. For millions, those words never came and instead they took on the form of hatred, confusion, disgust, and would more times than not leave those millions estranged from the people who loved them infinitely before they even knew who those millions really were.
So please don't ever be afraid that my love for you will change. Bring your boyfriend over for dinner with the family. Bring your girlfriend home for Christmas. Tell me that you weren't born to be a woman and that you believe to your heart's core that you were meant to be a man. Bring it all to me baby girl, because there is nothing on this Earth that would cause me to fall back instead of standing by your side cemented by my love of your existence.
2. I will never hold you back.
If music is your passion, if a paint brush is your muse, if the soccer field, the gymnastics' floor, or expressing yourself through words is what ignites your heart, I will be your biggest fan.
If you want to be an artist, I will help you research art institutes.
If you want to be on the USA figure skating team I wont ever hesitate to wake up at 5am and drive you to the ice rink for practice.
Whatever it is you choose to dream of or be apart of, I promise you now I'll never miss a game, recital, showcase, or science fair. Not only will I be your biggest fan, i will never allow you to give up on yourself. You're my girl, I know how strong you are, how your passion can be blinding, and how you are more resilient than mountains. You can do anything you set your mind to.
3. You are not just pretty.
As you grow up you'll be subject to all of society's influence. Although I will spend all of my life telling you differently, you'll begin to wonder if you fit the cookie cutter mold media and magazines say you should.
But don't ever let a single person try to constrain your being under one word. You, my darling, are more than just pretty. You are beautiful, you are intelligent, you are funny, you are wise beyond your age, you are one of a kind. Don't ever forget that.
4. I am your mother, but I'm also your friend.
I'm sure that there will be days you say to your friends that your mom is the worst. In fact I'd bet my life on it.
No worries, I'll still love you when you scream at the top of your lungs that you hate me while slamming your bedroom door. Oddly enough, I'm waiting for that day because as my mom told me, the day your child screams "I hate you" is the day you've earned your "veteran mother badge."
While I am your mom and my job is to protect you and help you figure life out, I hope we become the best of friends. I will be your shoulder to cry on. I will be your comforter.
If you're drinking at a party you shouldn't have been at in the first place, I will be there to pick you up without yelling at you the moment you call.
I will urge mommy and me days so I can get to know you better.
I will let you snuggle in bed with me if the thunderstorm outside scares you.
I will let you vent to me about whatever it is that has your heart feeling heavy.
I will sob at the end of the Notebook with you while laughing because although we know the ending by heart we still cry everytime.
I will be your mom when I need to be one,(which is all the time by the way) but I will also be a friend who you can trust and rely on.
5. I cannot shield you from the day a boy breaks your heart.
It will hurt, but i have to let you feel the hurt. You will cry and declare how much you loved him until your throat feels hoarse and your eyes sore from all the tears.
This is a life lesson you have to learn yourself, not from me. For weeks or maybe months you will still feel the sting of it all, but now you're just one more heart break down from eventually finding your forever.
Love is a fickle thing, but you will find a lot of different kinds of it throughout your life. So long as you choose to love, believe in love, and give all the love you have to give, you will be so fulfilled that you'll hardly remember that senior boy who was "the love of your life".
Between us, I never liked him in the first place.
6. You will never win the "I love you more" game.
Try as you might, you wont ever beat me. To this day I continue to play this game with my own mom. Even if I get the last word in, I know she is still the victor.
And I know this because you are my daughter. I held you in my tummy for 41 weeks. I labored with you for an ungodly amount of time. I laid on an operating table in order to meet you. Your first cry was the sweetest music to my ears. Holding you for the first time almost felt like a high off of love at first sight.
In a single moment I felt a love I'd never felt before. I felt complete even though i never knew there was anything missing. The instant you took your first breath I knew I'd die for you.
I'd protect you from anything and everything I possibly could. You became the center of my universe, you are my entire heart.
You'll come to learn this euphoric feeling when you have your own babies.
While I'm still figuring out this motherhood stuff, I already have my eyes on the prize when it comes to the mom I want to be for my daughter.
Everyday is something new. She says new words, she discovers new things, she gets a little bigger and she becomes more of her own person.
Hopefully by the time my caterpillar becomes a butterfly she'll know all the words she needs to know to make her presence known in the world. She'll discover happiness, humbleness, and adventure.
When she's all grown up and my teaching is done, I hope she knows that her mother loves her the most, and that she'll always be my little girl.