A love language is defined as the way people experience and express love.
People usually have more than one but they always have one that ranks higher for them than the others. Mine is quality time. Through my dating experiences, it is amazing just how few people know what quality time really means. I've found that due to this a lot of times that people I date don't realize why I'm getting upset and feel like they're not making time for me when they feel like they are.
This led me to think about what quality time truly means. Here are things to know about the love language that is quality time.
1. It's not about quantity it's about the quality
This is where a lot of people get lost. When they hear quality time most people usually focus on the word time rather than quality time. There is a huge difference between spending 5 hours with someone while you ignore them while watching tv or playing a video game and two hours of doing an activity with your partner while giving them undivided attention. While obviously every day can't just be you and your partner only hanging out with only each other because that would be extremely unhealthy. Make sure that if this is your partner's love language that you dedicate at least some time where you and your partner turn off the tv, put down the phones, get some alone time, and focus on each other. Remember it's not about time it's about quality.
2. Don't Constantly Cancel Dates
Since spending time with you is how your partner experiences love if you're constantly canceling dates or rescheduling on them it can leave your partner feeling unloved or unimportant. While you can't plan for an emergency or control every second of your life make sure your conscientious about how much you cancel and if you do make sure to make time for your partner later that day or the next day.
3. Don't Make Your Partner Third Wheel All The Time
Your phone and your friends are all things that are a huge part of your life however, they should never be making your partner feel left out when you have plans with your significant other. Put down the phone on dates. Your partner is on a date with you not you and your phone. Also if you're all hanging out in a group setting make sure that you're including your partner. If you invite your SO over and you and your friends are playing a video game pass the remote to them every now and then. Or if you are all having a conversation ask your partner their input every now and then. It is possible to hang out with your friends and your SO but make sure that you aren't accidently leaving your partner out by leaving them out of the activity or the conversation. It is easy to not notice but it can leave your partner feeling unimportant especially if it happens every time you two hang out.
4. Listen To Them When They Are Talking
Part of quality time is undivided attention. If every time your partner is talking to you your mind is somewhere else. They will notice. As someone who has four jobs, goes to school, and is involved in extracurriculars I understand how hard it can be to turn off the phone or stop checking your email. But no one's asking you to go off the grid for five hours or a whole night. Just make sure that at some point during the day or if your partner is talking to you about something important that you give them your undivided attention even if it is for just an hour. Like I said before it's about the quality, not the quantity.
5. Don't Stop Dating Your Partner
Every relationship gets comfortable at some point and this is usually when people stop dating your partner. Now, this doesn't mean breaking up but date nights and activities become staying in all the time watching Netflix and you stop doing the things you did at the beginning. Never stop dating your partner. Make sure that every once in awhile you go on a date or do a fun activity together. This will not only help with the quality time you spend together but it will help both of you keep having fun in your relationship.
6. Give Them What They Need Not What You Think They Need
When your partner says that they feel like you don't care because you're not spending time with them. Make the time don't buy them gifts or do an act of service for them without doing what they told you they needed. The other love languages are nice and no one will complain about you going out of your way for your partner but don't forget about their needs while doing what you think they need. You can get your partner flowers to make up for a missed date but make sure you also make some quality time for them as well if that's what they're asking for.
What are some things people should know about your love language?
