Heartbreak is one of the most gut-wrenching and painful feelings in life. It’s difficult to deal with not having someone that you loved and cared about so much in your life anymore. It feels as if one day you were blissfully happy, feeling lucky to share your life with this person, and then the next day, that person decides they just don’t want to be with you anymore. That feeling is hard to handle. I’ve had my fair share of breakups and disappointments from relationships, but it’s the lessons I took away from them that made me a stronger person in the end. Here are 6 things I learned from getting my heart broken.
1. There’s nothing wrong with you.
After getting broken up with, it’s easy to feel that there’s something about you, some quality or tremendous flaw, that caused your ex to break up with you. It’s easy to blame yourself and think that you could’ve done something differently to make them happier. But an essential part of getting over a breakup is realizing that it says nothing about you and everything about them. Sometimes people simply realize that they want different things, and one person not wanting you does not mean that you’re not wanted. It just means that that person wasn’t ready to fully appreciate your strength, beauty, grace, kindness, and all of the things that make you worthwhile.
2. Time will heal.
Once someone has hurt you in a way you never thought they would, it’s so much harder to trust that relationships will work out. It gives you the mindset that people always leave, but trust me, they don’t. It may hurt so much now, but time really does heal all wounds. It may take weeks or even months, but you will eventually get to a place where you don’t long for them in your life. Even if you didn’t date for long or you think you should be over it, remember that everyone heals at their own rate. Whether you and your ex decide to try to be friends or not after the breakup, giving yourself time away from them to cry, eat copious amounts of ice cream and watch Netflix with your girls is crucial. Although it’s hard, avoid looking at their social media for a while. Stay busy and surround yourself with people who really care about you. This will not only take your mind off of your ex, but also prevent any tear-driven angry texts or doing anything else that you might later regret.
3. Everything that’s meant to be will be.
It’s natural to miss having your ex in your life to share the little and big moments with and to experience everything together. One of the most important things I learned from heartbreak was to trust in the very cliche saying, “Everything happens for a reason.” Although you might not understand what that reason is now, sometimes breakups are what you need to realize what was wrong with the relationship and that you deserve better. Each and every person comes into your life to teach you something, and when one relationship ends, it can help you understand how to make your next one better. One relationship is ending, but it’s also making room for the right person to come along. Trust that the breakup is actually what you needed and that you will become stronger for it.
4. Focus on yourself first.
I’ve spent so much of my life putting everyone else before me and having such a big heart, even to those who have wronged me. I tend to forgive people’s mistakes and give second, or sometimes even third, chances. This is an amazing, selfless quality that no one, including me, should give up. But sometimes a breakup is what you need to spend time bettering yourself and taking care of yourself emotionally, physically, and mentally. Give your big heart only to those who will give you theirs back. Find what you love to do and enjoy it. Become the best possible version of yourself and love yourself more and more each day. Love yourself so much that you don’t need a boyfriend or girlfriend to feel fulfilled, because you know you’re good enough. Allow yourself to be selfish and put your happiness first sometimes.
5. Don’t look for love, and don’t rush it.
It’s normal to crave that deep intimacy and connection with someone again after a breakup. But rushing into something new with a new person can just lead to you getting hurt again, and honestly, you might just trying to cover up your lingering feelings for your ex. Take as much time as you need to be on your own and learn to be independent. Don’t rely on anyone but yourself for happiness, because that way you’ll never be let down. When I get worried about being single or I miss being in a relationship, I remind myself that I’m so incredibly young. As a freshman in college, 18 years old, I should be having the time of my life just being free, not needing to be tied down right now. Recognize that there is so much time in the future to find that special person, and it will happen. As hard as waiting for love is, it will be so worth it.
6. Don’t ever settle for less than you deserve.
Personally, I’m the type of person to look past a person’s faults, especially when I’m dating them, and only see the good in them. Once again, this is an endearing characteristic, but it can also lead you to stay in an unhealthy or unfulfilling relationship. I’ve realized that looking back and analyzing some of the not so good things your ex has done can provide closure for why the relationship ended. We tend to only look back at the good memories after a breakup, so take time to understand all parts of the relationship. Probably the most important thing I learned was not to settle for someone who doesn’t treat you right for the sake of being in a relationship. You deserve someone who will make you feel special, loved, cared for, beautiful, and wanted, and someone who is willing to commit and appreciate you. Set your standards so that the next person you’re with will give you everything you deserve out of a relationship.
Perhaps one of the most important lessons I’ve learned from heartbreak is that every relationship in your life, good or bad, is there to provide a learning experience for what you want and need. Don’t ever love just to be loved, love someone who is worthy of having your love. Trust that your heart will heal and you will move on to be happier than you ever imagined.
