Black People Were Born In The Future

It doesn’t really make sense that we have a Black History Month when black people haven’t even been invented yet. All the black people you see today are time travelers, they are an evolved human species who have traveled back in time to make sure their parents get together at the school dance.

America Was Built On The Backs Of Aliens

You know that totally true and non-racist theory that Aliens helped the Egyptians build the pyramids? Well that’s true for the building of the U.S.; the White House was built by Aliens and so was everything else. Aliens basically did everything.

Racism is Dead Because I Killed It

I found racism on a December night, it was sitting in a hot tub with some of it’s good friends sexism and homophobia. I trapped them in the hot tub and boiled them to death so all that was left was the orange spray tan, a bad comb-over, bundles of non-taxed cash, and a cellphone with the twitter app still open on it. See? I killed it. Yes, I was able to kill powerful societal structure that has caused the deaths and struggles of billions of people just by turning up the heat! It was just that easy!

Racism Was a Conspiracy Theory Before I Killed It

You’ve heard it here first! Racism was a conspiracy promoted by people who wanted equal rights and not to be killed in the streets or enslaved. They invented this crazy theory of racism just to put a name to their oppression when they should have just kept quiet about it. But I killed it so now you can feel free to say horrible things and not feel guilty about it! I swear I didn’t just cover it up with a sheet and called it something else.

History Doesn’t Exist Because Time Is an Illusion

Time was created by human beings (or probably Aliens) to add some order to the chaos of reality. It’s like a sheet thrown over a complicated concept so we don’t have to acknowledge it anymore.

Months Don’t Exist Because Time Is An Illusion

I think the title sums this up pretty well.