Working at a summer camp is arguably the quintessential American job for a teenager. Countless movies have romanticized the tale of going away to camp to wreak havoc and make memories with your friends, for both campers and counselors alike. But for those of us who worked at the same summer camp for years and years in a row, and have found ourselves slowly coming to the realization that we’ve grown old and the real world awaits… it brings a special kind of heartbreak, universal to anyone who owns a tattered and old staff shirt. From the moment you decide to leave to your last day on the grounds, there are a number of feelings you’ll go through during your last year at camp.
1. Okay, Elisabeth Kubler-Ross might have had the right idea with her five stages of grief, but she didn’t say they’d hit you all at once!
You’re going to be a glass case of emotion, and you should warn your friends in advance. While you’re flip flopping through the “Was this the right/wrong choice, and how do I feel about it?” crisis in your head, the last thing anyone wants is for them to mistakenly ask you “Hey, how’s camp?” and then be forced to watch you slowly break down in line at Starbucks. (Been there, so not fun.)
2. Acceptance is the last stage of the Kubler-Ross model, and it’ll come eventually.
Sooner is better than later, because once you stop freaking out about not coming back, you start to remember why you started coming in the first place. Somehow, summer after summer, everything still continues to feel new again. You find new things to look forward to, new activities to plan and kids to work with. Every day is going to feel important, because suddenly it is. You’ll keep doing all the things you usually do each summer, only this time it will feel different. You’ll be careful with your time. You’ll allocate your moments with each kid, your efforts for every activity and game, your appreciation for this home that stretches out in front of you. Now is the first time you realize how lucky you have it, and you want to take it for granted, just one more time.
3. There will be one brief and specific moment of relief that you’re not coming back, usually after a particularly bad day.
All the food you scraped off these floors, all the glitter you’ve meticulously combed out of your hair, all the battle scars you’ve acquired over the years, it will all resurface in your mind with a quick vengeance. Knowing that the sunscreen in your eyes, chlorine stains on your shorts, and awkward farmer’s tan on your arms are all finally over and done with will make you smile (even if it’s just for a moment).
4. You’re going to be eventually overwrought with heart-breakingly cliche emotions.
Every sappy ending from ABC Family or The Lifetime Movie Network suddenly feels so real. You feel guilty for snickering when Harry says, “I’m not going home, not really”. You’ll never laugh at the reprise of “We’re All In This Together” ever again. You become your own Grey’s Anatomy voice-over, closing out your last days as a resident, trying not to cry.
5. Your campers are going to break your heart, pick it up and stomp on it with their little croc-covered feet.
You’re going to have to remind yourself that it’s not your job to cry when one of them clings to your neck and whines, “But why do you have to go away? I don’t want you to.” It’ll kill you every time, but you’ve got to remind them with a straight face and these-definitely-arent-tears-i-have-something-in-my-contact-go-away eyes that you’re a little sad about it too, but that you need to go do grown up things, but you promise to come back and visit. The unfortunate reality of this situation is that it never gets easier.
6. But, at the end of the day, specifically at the very end of your last day, you’re going to realize you made the right choice.
The magic of working at a summer camp only lasts so long for you, and part of it for the kids is the promise of new mentors who care about them just as much as you did, and still do (and always will). You’ve done your job and your camp has done its job for you: it helped you grow up, and here you are. So on your last day, you can know that you made the right decision, and at the place you might as well have called home will always have a little part of you, and you'll always have a little part of it.
