Most self-loving people will say that they despise small talk. They find it onerous to chat about their hobbies and local coffee shops with strangers and phony acquaintances. Some prefer to make a “real connection” by having deeper conversations, but I quite enjoy small talk. Long, involved exchanges have their place, but small talk isn’t devoid of meaning either. It’s an important part of our culture that deserves to be learned and respected by everyone.

Small talk is a useful way to get to know someone. Sure, you might not care about the names of someone’s pets or the weekend trip they took to Michigan, but you can learn about their values as they talk about why they love Fluffy or what they think of New Buffalo compared to their hometown. If the words a person uses rub you the wrong way, you’ll know that they aren’t someone worth trying to have an in-depth conversation with. Discussing favorite activities, music, or movies may seem trivial: if you and another person like the same things, you must be meant to be friends, right? But what’s even more important than common interests is the way in which you talk about them: despite not sharing a love of football or classical music, a person might be someone worth getting to know better if they listen to your opinions with interest and respect.

Approach the next time you have to engage in so-called idle chatter as an opportunity to improve your communication skills. You don’t have to prepare answers, but be ready to talk about yourself thoughtfully; no one likes an egotist! For students, instead of just listing your major and where you grew up, offer an explanation about why you chose it and how it shaped you. Think about some simple but pertinent questions you can ask other people so they don’t have to carry the conversation. For example, if you’re a new member at a club meeting, ask people about their favorite memories of being in the club. If you’re at an art show, ask your fellow guests about what drew them to the event. Topical questions like these will make your small talk seem less bland and more like that profound discussion you’d rather be having.

If you’re like me, meeting new people can be difficult. It’s hard to know how much you should talk, or what’s appropriate to say, or what humor will land. Conversing one-on-one during the high stakes of an interview is substantially nerve-wracking. Our culture has norms regarding our behavior, but there unfortunately is not a manual for every situation one will ever be in. There isn’t a set of rules about chatter. That’s why embracing small talk is worth it: it’s a way to explore the waters of getting to know other human beings. Once you become comfortable with these oft-overlooked pleasantries, the rest of your words will easily follow.