For the majority of my life, I have been scared to say “Yes." I was a self-diagnosed introvert, where staying inside watching Netflix and eating a pint of ice cream was my ideal Friday night. If I was feeling adventurous, I might switch my viewing selection from "Bob’s Burgers" to a scary movie. I had friends, and I had plenty of opportunities to leave my room for a beach trip or a movie date, but I never had the actual confidence to carry through with these plans. Every time someone invited me out to a party or to lunch, I always thought they were doing so out of pity, because they felt sorry for me, that they never genuinely meant it.
Because of this mindset I secluded myself, I cut off friends, I made people lose interest in me, I turned my friend group into a one-man show. I didn’t do it deliberately, I never meant to drop people out of spite or stick to myself out of pity. I just never felt that I was wanted around.
Freshman year of college, I was exposed to new people, new experiences, and torn out of my comfort zone (in the most cliché way imaginable). The first month I spent secluded in my dorm room, everyone else was making friends and going to parties while I resorted back to my nightly Netflix and ice cream schedule. Spring semester I realized that this is not the way I wanted to spend my college years—when I talk to my future kids I wanted some better stories than how I managed to watch all five seasons of "Orange is the New Black" within the span of four days. Don’t get me wrong—those nights spent staying in were also some of the happiest days of my freshman year, relaxing, staying mentally sane through the rough schedule of college, but I just wanted more to the experience.
Spring semester I started to say “yes” more, forcing myself to dive into new experiences and create new stories. Although it was extremely scary to me, jumping headfirst out of my safe bubble into the scary reality of the world. I went on hikes, got lost on the way home from parties, talked to random strangers on the rooftop of a house at 3 a.m., and I truly learned how to balance having a life outside of my introverted self.
I am grateful that I went through this transformation of exploration. There are still the days that I seclude myself under a blanket, grab some Ben & Jerry’s and start a new series. These are not the memories that I am going to remember when I get oldest however, so there are new moments that I am reaching to make more of. I want campfires on the beach with my closest friend, I want wandering through random cities and walking into new, secret coffee shops, and I want stories that I know are going to create a whole new lifetime.
