If you've ever felt like your world was crashing down, your future was being tampered with, and your self-esteem is sky rocketing through the floor nothing and no one can achieve this better in a school setting than failing a test. Remember the SAT's? The big hype and the anxiety that you could cut with a knife in that classroom with your surrounding peers? I remember it well, the day I took my SAT's. I remember it because I saw how pointless it was, I saw it as a road block in a world that tells us we can do anything we set our minds to. What a load of crap huh?

I guess I'm a bit of a cynic so if you find this article a bit harsh then you are absolutely entitled to your opinion but I just tell it like it is. So I'm really good at English right? Always have been- it just comes naturally to me and I absolutely adore it. So naturally I wanted to be a high school English teacher, it sucks that a test can determine that fate for me. You see, at CCSU to make it into the professional program for any education career you need to pass the Praxis test which is kind of like the SAT's in a way reading, writing, math. So I pass the reading and writing with flying colors right? Math is an entirely different story because the word 'bad' does not begin to describe the level of stupid I am when it comes to math. I don't mean that in a way where I'm putting myself down because I know I'm a smart person- but math just doesn't click; it never has and it never will. I guess I'm ranting about the Praxis because I don't understand why I now lost $450 to fail a test five times, why I'm filling out the paperwork to change my major, and how one measly test in a subject area that I would never be teaching as a Secondary English Education major can determine my career.

Yes you read right, I took and failed the math Praxis five times but that last time I took it on August 25th I studied more than anything I have ever studied for in my entire life and I got the lowest score I've ever gotten and do you want to know what I did when that tedious number popped up on the screen? I laughed. I actually let out a laugh in that eerily quiet exam room because I finally just told myself that it was all bullsh*t and that if one test has the power to determine my future then I can damn well walk away from that stupid test right? It took me back to sitting in that classroom taking the SAT's and opening up to it and not knowing how to do a damn thing, but you want to know what else it took me back to? That feeling of ease that surrounds you in high school; that crutch of knowing there's always a plan B. I sat there at 16 and watched all of the people around me type away on their calculators and wipe sweat off their foreheads and I laughed that day too because I realized if I wanted to go to college I would do that and there would be nothing to stop me. And so I did, I started my first year of college at Tunxis Community College and the god forsaken SAT's didn't stop me from accomplishing that did they?

I guess where I'm going with this is that in that moment last Thursday I let out a laugh like my 16 year old self with no worries because I missed that part of me. You see we tend to lose ourselves in this pass time that we call adulthood and this required set of classes and money and stress and time that we call College and I realized that I can say screw you to the math Praxis and I can find a plan B. And do you want to know what I did? I walked out of that stupid exam room with my head held high, I got myself some pity food (Mcdonalds) and I sat my ass down at my kitchen table and I found a plan B.

I'm a senior now that would have been graduating a semester late because of student teaching who is now graduating on time with a simple switch from a BS in English to a BA in English and want to know the best part of all? I can still teach if I want, I can be an author, I can make six figures being an analysis writer at some major company and I haven't been this confident or sure of myself and career in a really long time. So yeah, I laughed at myself when I failed that test for the 5th and final time because I asked myself, why I was doing that to myself? The stress, the time, the unbelievable kick in my self-esteem. The world is full of choices and opportunities and if you ever find yourself struggling like I did, just let out that 16 year old care free laugh because I can promise you there is always a plan B, and it's your choice whether you take your hardships and learn from them or allow them to take you down. I chose to face them head on and I couldn't be happier with my decision.