To begin, I'd like the point out the obvious: mental disorders are not understood very well. It doesn't matter what type of disorder, either. It can be an anxiety disorder, a personality disorder...you name it, and 9 times out of ten, people still won't get it.
So, here goes nothing.
Oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god. Walking into class late. The door is closed. Oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god. Everyone is staring at you. Oh my god. They won't look away. Even after you sit down, you can feel their eyes on your back as you struggle to take your notebook out of your bag.
You knock your pen on the ground. They're all watching, and you know they're laughing at you in their heads. That idiot was late to class and then dropped her pencil? Wow. What a sorry excuse for a student, classmate, friend, human...
You're meeting friends for lunch. You walk into the crowded cafeteria, and you don't see them anywhere. You text them, no response. Call them, they don't pick up. People start to look over at you, judging you as that loser with no friends who is just standing around trying to seem normal. You pick up your things and hide out in the bathroom until they finally respond, and tell you where they are. You laugh it off, shrug and say, "It's OK, I was just in the bathroom!" You then proceed to make some joke about how your professor is ridiculous and doesn't let people out of the room during class to pee. They all laugh. You're a riot. You feel like you can do anything.
You see a friend of yours walking toward you as you head back to your next class. You smile and wave. They have notoriously bad eyesight (you know this already), so all they do is squint at you without responding to your greeting. You spend the rest of the day obsessively picking apart this five-second interaction. Wondering if you did something to anger them, or wondering why everyone in the entire world hates you.
You also feel like the world's biggest idiot when you try to explain your thoughts to anyone, ever. They never understand. They always write it off. It makes you wonder if you're starting to go crazy.
You're required to work in a group for a final project in that one class you hate. They all are friends already. You're the only one left out. As they laugh and joke, you sit there with a fake smile (more like a grimace) on your face as you struggle for something to say. Something inspired, witty, engaging. Instead, you squeak out some lame remark, and they finally remember that you're there as well. Everyone gets down to work. You spend the entire class period remembering how your voice cracked as you addressed them. You'll never live this down.
Your friend calls you just as you get back to your room for your only free hour of the day. They're distraught, and you end up talking on the phone for the entire hour. Your time gone, you wearily hang up the phone and pick up your bag and head out to your next meeting.
When asked your opinion on an idea during the meeting, you just reiterate what everyone else says. You don't want to raise your hand and volunteer anything new. You don't want to be perceived as that know-it-all who thinks she's so much better than everyone else, raising her hand and giving another opinion. You're too tired for that. Instead, you just smile and nod, the best out that you have.
You get back to your room for the night. You place your phone, screen down, on your desk after having set your alarm for classes the next day. Your phone is on silent, so nobody can disturb you. You watch Netflix, play music or just lay in bed quietly until the next morning. When it all starts over again.