Unless you have worked a lifeguarding job with a high number of guests every day, you wouldn't understand the things stated below. My co-workers and fellow lifeguards, though, should relate and completely agree to these statements.
1. Please don’t send me to lower lot, it's 10 a.m.
2. I can’t find my name tag, again -- I quit life!
3. Man, there’s no chance of bad weather today, like tornados, or hurricanes?
4. Wait, it’s going to rain. Why?
5. Why do you want to swim? It’s raining?
6. I just enforce the rules, please don’t yell at me.
7. But there is a sign right over there that explains all the rules.
8. Well, in all honesty, there’s signs everywhere.
9. Even a big one that says “Restrooms.”
10. Good thing I have sunglasses on because he was attractive.
11. Trying to act cool, but I'm working.
12. Another 30-minute break today?
Well, I guess I’m not eating again for the 1,293,934 day in a row.
13. This watch is my best friend and my enemy.
14. The uniform doesn’t even fit me right, and makes me look like a dude.
15. Who am I kidding?
I’m going to be single forever because of this uniform.
16. Could it not be 125 degrees outside today?
17. Or can the day just end?
18. “Powerade for guards” -- give me about 20 bottles.
I'll hide them somewhere, so I can have them all to myself.
19. I wish I could go swimming today.
20. Honestly, I wish I had today off, so I could just sleep or even watch some TV, maybe try and do something productive.
21. Actually I might “accidentally” pass out so I can fall into the water and get cooled off, possibly even get sent home.
That's actually a good plan.
22. Man, that guest’s food looks good.
23. Only a few more hours.
24. Two minutes later -- I swear it’s been over an hour.
25. I’m sorry ma’am, I don’t make the prices of the food, I’m just a lifeguard.
26. That swimsuit is cute, wish it was mine.
27. I’m sorry your child is too short, maybe your genes should have been better.
28. No, I can’t bend the rules for them.
29. I’ve heard this song 78 times today -- let’s get a new playlist.
30. Wait -- lollipop, lollipop -- ooh -- lolli, lolli, lollipop.
31. I heard that double whistle.
Wonder what’s going on?
32. For the 13th time, the restrooms are right behind you where the big sign says “Restrooms.”
33. I’m getting a killer tan today.
Sucks I have to wear shorts and a T-shirt.
34. These tan lines are going to look so bad in the dress I’m wearing tomorrow.
35. Who am I kidding.
Anything I wear other than pants and a T-shirt, these tan lines will show.
36. Finally! Someone to take my spot, I need a few minutes to rethink my life.
37. Wait, you’re saying I have to go to the children's area -- no.
38. That girl’s swimsuit is cute too!
Where do they get these cute swimsuits?
39. I can’t wait to get off work and get some food, I’m so hungry.
40. Steak-n-Shake or Denny’s?
41. Hope someone will eat with me.
Wait, everyone will, duh.
42. One more hour left of work!
43. Looks at watch every five minutes till closing time, come on time, move faster.
44. Five, four, three, two one; 59, 58, 57 -- and 28 minutes and 56 seconds left of being open.
45. Finally, we're closed!
46. How could people be this messy, there’s literally trash everywhere!
47. There’s a trash can 10 feet away from this -- why?
48. Alright, the deck is clean, let's get food.
49. Alright, water park, I expect a better day tomorrow.
50. Don’t worry, I’ll be here bright and early!
Even though some days are harder than others, I love my job and wouldn't change it for the world. My coworkers are some of the best around, and I can't wait for upcoming seasons with you guys. I seriously love my job!
