To my dearest parents,
It’s been a hell of a ride to adulthood. I’m glad that we finally see eye-to-eye on a lot of issues and that many of the rules enforced for 15-year-old "young, wild and free" me have vanished. You kept me in line, and while I thank you today for your "rules and regulations," and for helping me become a well-rounded person, let's just say that high school me wasn’t as grateful.
Let’s take a trip down memory lane with some sh*t strict parents say.
- “Where are you going?”
- “Who are you always texting on that damn phone?”
- "It’s getting dark. Of course you’re not allowed out.”
- “You watch too much TV.”
- “Put that phone on the table.”
- "Can I have the phone number of all your friends that you are going out with?"
- “Why didn’t you pick up when I called you? You need to pick up your phone when I contact you.”
- “Be home by curfew. Don’t push it.”
- “Who's that boy?”
- “Who's that girl?”
- “You better not be posting inappropriate stuff on that dumb Facebook.”
- “Is everyone at school being nice to you?”
- “*Insert name here* seems like a bad kid. Stop hanging out with him/her.”
- “That kid outside 7-Eleven looks like trouble.” (But dad, that's my friend.)
- “What are you wearing? That’s too tight. Put something else on.”
- “Turn this garbage ["Teen Mom"] off.”
- “Turn this trash ["Jersey Shore"] off.”
- “Turn this nonsense ["Jerry Springer"] off.”
- *Sex scene plays on TV* “What are you watching, young lady?”
- *Blasts rap music* “How do people actually enjoy this?”
- Mom to other relatives: “Oh, my daughter doesn’t drink.”
- “We raised her right.”
- “Oh no, she doesn’t have a boyfriend. She’s too serious about school.”
- “I heard Patty’s daughter is working at the homeless shelter. Why aren’t you doing that?”
- “I heard David’s son got straight A’s. You should hang out with people like that.”
- “Why are you still awake?”
- “Every other kid is already in bed by now.”
- “Why aren’t you doing your homework?”
- “You better not be talking to strangers on the Internet.”
- “Who's driving? Is he/she a good driver?”
- “We only care about your safety.”
- “Don’t speed.”
- “Don’t ever get in a car with someone that you think isn’t a good driver. Call us.”
- “What college is she going to?”
- “I don’t like that kid.”
- “Ask your father.”
- “Ask mom.”
- “Call me when you get there.”
- “Are you lying to us?”
- “What the hell were you doing all night?”
- “Leave the car keys on the table.”
- “Who's that boy you were with? What’s his name? GPA? Political party?”
- “Keep that door wide open.”
- “We’re not strict at all.”
- “It’s only because we love you.”
- “You’re a girl. You could get kidnapped.”
- “Look at those kids smoking that weed. Disgusting -- the youth these days.”
- “I heard Sally got pregnant. Glad we raised you better”
- Give me a detailed synopsis of what you did tonight. How was the movie? How many stars was it rated? What size popcorn did you get? Did you even go to the movies?"
- “No!”
