So doctors finally came through and said menstrual cramps are as painful as heart attacks. I would like all of my gym teachers who said that cramps aren't painful to listen up and hear me when I say, "TOLD YOU!" Yeah, we actually can't do those sit-ups because our uterine wall is shedding blood or whatnot. I'd honestly rather take a bath in hot lava then have menstrual cramps.
Yeah, and about 50 other things I'd rather do/have:
1. Swine flu.
2. That creepy guy from Tinder taking me out on a date.
3. To be standing next to Donald Trump.
4. My favorite coffee place run out of coffee.
How dare they?!
5. Have to sit through "Mean Girls 2" on repeat for 48 hours.
6. Take a bath in hot lava.
7. Then again, I'd also walk across burning coal.
8. Get a pap smear every week all year.
9. Lose my phone.
10. Have braces for the rest of my life.
11. Start paying insurance at 21-years-old.
12. Be Kim Kardashian's personal assistant for a day.
13. Discuss politics, religion, and education with my family.
14. Take an exam without studying.
15. Drink the unknown jungle juice at a frat party. Seriously, what's in it? Boys?
16. Fight Chuck Norris.
17. Go to the gym after eating a quesadilla.
18. Go on "The Bachelor."
19. Eat a brick.
20. Double text the guy who just texted you back.
21. Double tap those pictures on Instagram of your ex's new girlfriend.
22. Follow your ex's new girlfriend on Instagram.
23. Be a DD for a fraternity party.
24. Have all my Tinder matches in one bar.
25. Be stuck in a cage with a white tiger.
26. Have a hobo lick peanut butter off my feet.
27. Drink Pepsi.
28. Eat jalapenos without any liquid near me.
29. Go out into the snow with only a bathing suit.
30. Have my grandmother pick my formals date.
31. My dad reply to my Tinder messages.
32. Only eat kale for the rest of my life.
33. Get dumped on "The Bachelor."
34. Come up with 100 items for a listicle.
35. Study microbiology when I'm a Comm major.
36. Be stuck in a room for several hours alone with Bill Clinton.
37. Fight a dragon.
38. Be stuck in a tower for twenty years (not to be dramatic).
39. Be BFFs with Krystal from "The Bachelor."
40. Eat Dominos.
41. Seriously consider gender reassignment surgery...
42. ... but then also consider all the trouble you'd have to go through.
43. Sit in a 3-hour discussion with Ted Mosby about architecture.
44. Fight against The Avengers.
45. Give up Netflix.
46. Have Chris Harrison narrate my period.
47. Watch Rebecca Black's music video on repeat.
48. Live in a constant state of filth for the rest of my life.
49. Have my phone be at 3% forever.
50. Go on the Nexplanon or IUD so you don't get your period.
These are serious things I'd rather do/have then get menstrual cramps, but there is something I'll take cramps over ANY DAY. And that is a baby. Sorry, I'm in college and I can barely afford to take care of myself let alone a child. Maybe ten years. Mother Nature can keep coming once a month.
