Dear Body,

Can you believe it? It’s been two decades that we’ve been together, and yet I am still constantly learning new quirks about you. Thank you for always being there for me and equipping me with energy to somehow power through my day, even though I’m always depriving you of your beauty sleep. Thank you for providing me with a canvas to crown with jewelry, paint with makeup, and costume in lace dresses (on my good days) and extra-cozy sweats (on my “ehh” days). Oh, and thanks for letting me poke an obnoxious amount of holes in my ears.

You keep giving me so much. And while I could fill notebook after notebook with a list of things that I would like to thank you for, I would like to apologize for a few things I’ve done you wrong. OK maybe 50 things, so here we go:

1. I’m sorry for the Chipotle I ate an hour ago. (I’m a weak girl with needs.)
2. I’m sorry I fuel you, so very often, with the wrong foods and not the necessary nutrients you need.
3. I’m sorry I misjudge the weather too often and dress you in shorts when it’s chilly out or pants when it’s scorching out.
4. I’m sorry I cake my face in too much foundation that surely isn’t good for your pores.
5. I’m sorry I don’t bathe you in enough sunscreen during the summer or enough nourishing lotions year-round.
6. I’m sorry I let you lounge around on the couch too often when you want to go for a run.
7. But on the other hand, I’m sorry I don’t listen to you when you strike me with soreness and I force you to go the gym, anyway.
8. I’m sorry I feed you too much ice cream and pizza.
9. I’m sorry for all the times I told you I hated you and wished you looked different.
10. I’m sorry for all the extreme diets and workouts I forced you through.
11. I’m sorry for all the time I spent in the woods and let you be assaulted by mosquitoes.
12. I’m sorry for all the tight clothes I made you squeeze into.
13. I’m sorry for all the downright ugly clothes I made you wear (who let me buy those silver leather pants?).
14. I’m sorry for all the times I wasn’t looking where I was going and I let you fall.
15. Also, I’m sorry for all the times I didn’t tie my shoes and let you trample.
16. Or when I let you fall down the stairs (such a clutz I am).
17. Or when I fell up the stairs (didn’t know that was possible).
18. I’m sorry for all the red solo cups I’ve let you guzzle down.
19. And also all the times I’ve made you quickly empty those shot glasses in one gulp.
20. Basically, I’m sorry for college.
21. I’m sorry for last week, when I shoved that pasta into your mouth when it was clearly too hot, yet I couldn’t resist.
22. I’m sorry for all the times when my day got too busy and I forgot to feed you breakfast or lunch.
23. I’m sorry for all the times when I was late to class or to work and I made you rush.
24. I’m sorry for all those times when my jam came on the radio and I made you break out in some embarrassingly outlandish moves.
25. I’m sorry for all the times I scraped my knee or got a bump.
26. I’m sorry for all the times I didn’t stretch you out after a workout and let you get stiff.
27. I’m sorry for all the times I compared you to other bodies and told you to be different.
28. I’m sorry for the time when I was 7 and I let you get stung by a bee.
29. I’m sorry for the time in kindergarten when I had the chicken pox and I kept on scratching.
30. I’m sorry I get mad at you every time I breakout on my face.
31. I’m sorry I scold you every time you read a different number on the scale.
32. I’m sorry for all the cheap temporary Spongebob tattoos I stamped on you as a kid.
33. Also, sorry in advance if I ever nerve up enough to get a real tattoo.
34. I’m sorry for all the obnoxious fruity body spray I shower you in.
35. I’m sorry I don’t take enough baths and let you relax.
36. I’m sorry I don’t do more yoga.
37. I’m sorry I make you dress in uncomfortable pants.
38. I’m sorry for those cute-yet-painful shoes I made you walk in (they were 50 percent off though!).
39. I’m sorry for all the late-nighters and all-nighters I’ve made you stay awake for.
40. I’m sorry for all the times I was sick and didn’t rest up enough to let you recover sooner.
41. I’m sorry for all the times you were tired but I made you stay awake.
42. I’m sorry I down too much caffeine and don’t drink enough water.
43. I’m sorry I put too many books in my heavy bag and hurt my shoulder.
44. I’m sorry I eat too much or not enough at times.
45. I’m sorry for the spontaneous sugar surge every Halloween.
46. I’m sorry for all the times I got caught in the rain without an umbrella and let you get soggy.
47. I’m sorry I told you to be more tan, when clearly you can’t do that.
48. I’m sorry for all the uncomfortable mattresses I’ve made you slumber on.
49. I’m sorry for all skimpy outfits or short shorts I made you showcase.
50. I’m sorry, I haven’t always loved you, body, but I do now.