"Fifty Shades of Grey." You’ve heard of it, unless you are living under a rock. Thoughts on this film range from absolute excitement and absorbing this fantasy to hating everything this book stands for. Though it was a piece of fiction that was actually a fan-fiction of "The Twilight Saga," many people who have found their sexual fantasy in this book may be in for a surprise when they find out how the community it supposedly portrays feels about it.
The community I’m talking about it the BDSM community. BDSM, an acronym for Bondage/Discipline, Dominance/Submission, and Sadism/Masochism, is a somewhat taboo topic. This does not come as a surprise if you consider how artfully our society attempts to avoid conversations about sex in general. This community is shrouded in stereotype and mystery, in a sense, and that makes people uncomfortable. In reality, BDSM is meant to be a safe way for people to explore and live out certain sexual fantasies and desires. There are many different ways in which this works, but one theme that is present in every form that is supported by the community is that it is “safe, sane, and consensual.” Every act is consensual on every participant’s count, necessary protection is used, safe words and other precautionary measures are put in place so that everyone feels safe, and participants aim to make everyone involved comfortable. The point of BDSM is to allow others to experience pleasure through somewhat non-traditional means, and the belief is that true pleasure is not possible if one is uncomfortable with any part of the experience.
If you read or watched "50 Shades of Grey" and knew nothing about this community beforehand, chances are this is not the impression that you got. In the words of one avid BDSM participant interviewed in an article for The Guardian:
"There was a lot of beautiful equipment, but not much going on in terms of actual BDSM: it was just about Christian tying Anastasia up. In real BDSM relationships, there’s a lot more connection, a lot more talking, a lot more ritual."
The problem that many of the people interviewed in this article expressed concern for was that this book was not what BDSM is actually supposed to look like. One of those interviewed even went so far as to say that, “The film was really bad, but it was very faithful to the book,” while another said, “This film is like an instruction manual for a psychopath.”
This feeling is not an unusual one either. Many of the articles out there at this point have the same gripes about this book: There is A LOT of non-consensual activity (and even stalker-ish behavior) in this series, and BDSM is based entirely in the idea of consent and safety. In fact, in an article on Buzzfeed Life, Casey Gueren wrote:
"At some public events, there are even safety monitors on duty…Seriously, did we mention that safety is paramount here? In fact, the acronym SSC (safe, sane, consensual) is one of the most common pillars of the practice."
Seriously, safety and consent are the most important part of BDSM because the entire goal of this community is to let people have a safe outlet for their fantasies. Without safety and consent at the head of this, that would be impossible.
Many participants are also upset that the series plays on the stereotype in our society that the people who participate in BDSM do so because they have been physically or emotionally abused or because they are abusers. Now, it’s not necessarily false that some people who participate have been in abusive situations before, but it is not a requirement to enjoy the scene.
In Smith’s article, one of those interviewed said that, “A lot of people who have been abused get into BDSM: it actually helps them break that conditioning. But it has to be done with intelligence and communication.” There is some validity to the idea that BDSM can help you to overcome your emotional scars from abusive relationships. Much like the Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) used to treat anxiety disorders (among other things), it immerses you in the things that scare or hurt you, but in a place and a method that allow you to feel safe. This allows you to reattribute those triggers, no longer having the same effect on you because you were able to work through them safely without any negative consequence. But, and I cannot stress this enough, you do not have to have anything inherently “wrong” with you in order to enjoy participating in the BDSM community. In an article from the Huffington Post, Head Master of La Domaine Esemar, the oldest BDSM training chateau in the world said the following:
"The concept that if you are into it you are going to be abusive, is absurd. Most psychological studies coming out now say that people in BDSM relationships are very healthy, and often far more balanced because we communicate so much, and we are trying so hard not to be abusive."
Ultimately, people who participate in BDSM are actually more stable emotionally because everything that they do is based on safety and consent.
A recent survey conducted through Facebook asked participants who were at least somewhat aware of the storyline to rank their level of agreement with certain statements pertaining to the relationship between Anastasia and Christian. These statements ranged from “I believe the content describes a consensual sexual relationship and that nothing non-consensual occurs” to “I believe the content describes a sexual relationship that is physically/emotionally abusive.” Also included were the statements “I believe the content accurately described a BDSM relationship” and “I believe that people could have a healthy BDSM relationship by using the series as a guidebook.”
The statement that produced the most relevant reaction to the research I had already seen was “I believe that people could have a healthy BDSM relationship by using the series as a guidebook.” In regards to both the book and the film, the average response to this item was “disagree,” which basically breaks down to “No, Fifty Shades should not be used as a BDSM guide.”
Participants were also asked an open-ended question at the very end of their survey so that they could address any additional thoughts, comments, or concerns about the content of the series. In the words of one anonymous participant:
"It teaches curious, impressionable young people that there is no line between abuse and domination in BDSM, which is incredibly dangerous. My first experience with BDSM was searching for my "Christian Grey" and I ended up seriously injured physically and emotionally, and dating someone who had no concern for my safety or well-being. It is not safe. And although I learned from it, others may not."
This concern is the one that seems to be most commonly voiced by members of the BDSM community nationwide. Many of the people who engage in some version of this lifestyle seem most concerned that new interest will spring up for the wrong reasons and will use this as a guidebook on how to successfully engage in BDSM play. As one survey participant stated, “it romanticizes abuse and gives an incorrect view of BDSM relationships, excluding things such as consent, safe words and aftercare."
While many are happy that the series has inspired new interest and new conversation about the community, they are concerned that this will give new participants the wrong idea and give the few predators that do exist a pool to prey upon. While the main goals of BDSM are safety and consent, there are inevitably going to be some people who take advantage of what the main outlets of this community are and exploit people in an abusive manner (like the one mentioned above). They are aware that experienced players will know that it is not safe play, so they prey upon newcomers who do not know any better, and this is precisely what 50 Shades has allowed those people to do.
From beginning to end, BDSM is meant to keep all participants happy and safe. This goal was not accomplished, and only barely mentioned, in the "50 Shades of Grey" series. While Christian did have Ana sign a contract, and he did explain to her that he would only do things to her that she felt comfortable with, things did not pan out that way. Time and time again, he would pressure her into something she did not necessarily want to do, and even though she was eventually okay with it, it could still easily be classified as sexual assault.
As it does claim to portray BDSM, many members of the community have valid worries of the threat this poses to the community. The most concerning threats seem to be that it will glorify non-consensual activity and relational abuse, perpetuate the stereotypes that already exist about participants being “damaged,” and that it will open the floodgates for those who do happen to be predators, allowing them access to a whole new pool of unexperienced players that they can easily manipulate. And after researching the topic heavily, it is easy to see why.
