Sodexo is a company that claims to run "dining services" on many college campuses. But it's more like dining suffering. As the students at these schools know, getting a healthy, hot meal on a clean plate can be way too much to ask. Here's a few questions I have for Sodexo, on behalf of students everywhere:
1. Have you ever considered, like, not making the main ingredient in every dish oil?
2. In what world do people stop wanting hot food an hour before the caf closes?
3. Why, why, why, is it so hard to give us clean plates?
4. The food sucks, but really, couldn't I eat it off of a clean plate?
5. Why are there four different kinds of pasta for one meal?
6. Why are there four different kinds of pasta for one meal, 6 days a week?
7. What is 'lite' dinner? Do you know how to spell?
8. Probably not, because you don't know how to feed people either.
9. Why is the omelette lady my favorite person ever?
10. How do you run out of POWERADE?
11. Okay, back to the clean dishes thing. What's wrong with your dishwasher?
12. Did you even wash those dishes twice?
13. How much money could I make betting on whether or not those dishes are actually sanitary?
14. Why do you take up the breakfast food at 9am when we all have class at 9:25?
15. Is it true the card lady only tells girls to take their feet off chairs, because she thinks it's unladylike?
16. What are to-go boxes?
17. No, really, I can't seem to remember the last time I saw one in the caf. What gives?
18. Who comes up with those awful promotional posters about how "fresh" and "healthy" the meals are?
19. Seriously, who writes those lies? I want to be paid to write lies. It sounds fun.
20. Do you make the food gross just so we don't eat a lot and drive costs up? (That's a great strategy actually, I'm sure that's it.)
21. Is chicken supposed to be pink, or burnt black? We only get two choices and I'm confused.
22. What is soup? Have you ever heard of it?
23. Once we get food poisoning, what are we supposed to eat if there's no SOUP?
24. Does it ever bother you how much food is thrown away?
25. Except the meat that's recycled for every other meal. Wait, does that bother you?
26. Have you ever heard of recycling?
27. Why do we sometimes get styrofoam and plastic to eat off of? Is your (awful) dishwasher on strike?
28. Do you know how bad styrofoam is for the environment?
29. But really, could we at least recycle the plastic?
30. Why do you let your employees smoke right outside the caf? Cigarette smoke doesn't go very well with burnt chicken and overcooked pasta.
31. What, exactly, is the correct consistency for mashed potatoes? Should I have to cut them with a knife to eat?
32. Do you care at all about people with food restrictions? (no.)
33. What is gluten free bread? Sorry, I can tell you've never heard of it. Thanks, though.
34. What the heck are all those weird substances you put in the salad bar?
34. Charcuterie covered in mayo with some olives thrown in is a salad? Who are you trying to fool?
35. Have you ever cleaned out the bottom of the ice cream freezer?
36. Have you ever even LOOKED in the bottom of the ice cream freezer?
37. Please, just clean it. Please.
38. Why does your grill person insist on putting buns on the burgers?
39. Do you ever feel as bad as I do when I throw away six buns just to get enough patties to fill me up?
40. Also, what are gluten free buns? Have you considered this option?
41. What happened to that nice guy who used to care about the people with allergies?
42. I just have to go back to the dirty plates. Do you all wash your own specific plate before you eat so you know it's clean?
43. Have you considered letting students wash their own plates? Personally, I'm willing to do that for the chance to eat without the remnant's of someone else's ketchup on my plate.
44. What actually happens at those Sodexo meetings?
45. Do you really put laxatives in the food?
46. Is it really because it gets the food out of us before we can get food poisoning?
47. Approximately how many students do you think have gotten sick from your food?
48. Have you ever seen a vegetable that wasn't taking a bath in oil? No? I see.
49. Seriously, could you just give us some clean plates??
50. Do you hate us?
