1. Understand what they are.
Non-binary pronouns are used the same way you would use she/her or he/him pronouns. People use pronouns that reflect their gender identity, so it makes sense to have more than two options. A common pronoun is the singular they/them. This is not grammatically incorrect; it is simply a different usage that helps people feel comfortable and represented correctly.
People may use alternate pronouns if they are gender fluid, transgender, genderqueer, or any number of other reasons. Personally, I use the pronouns Ae/Aer because I feel that they portray my gender fluidity the most accurately, and it makes me happy to think of myself that way. Even if you might not entirely understand why someone is using non-binary pronouns, it is important that you respect their identity and do your best to use them. If you encounter someone who has never heard of non-binary pronouns, share what you know about them!
2. Ask people for their pronouns, not their preferred pronouns
It is not considered rude to ask a person for their pronouns, however the term preferred pronouns suggests that this person is choosing their gender or just going through a phase. It is better than not asking for pronouns at all, but keep in mind that it is much more respectful to ask, “What pronouns do you use?” or “What are your pronouns?” Keep in mind you can ask anybody for their pronouns, even if they are cis-gendered. This question doesn’t have to only be for people you think look non-binary.
3. Introduce yourself with your pronouns
I will emphasize again, this is not only for people with non-binary pronouns. In order for alternate pronoun usage to be normalized, it must be normal for everyone to talk about their pronouns. When you meet someone new, go ahead and confidently give them your name and your pronouns. If you act like it’s normal, it is.
4. Ask facilitators to make pronouns part of the introduction
If you are ever at an event, discussion group, class, orientation or anything that requires people to go around the room and introduce themselves, you can ask the facilitator beforehand to request that people give their pronouns along with their name and any other information. You may not always have the opportunity to do this, but if you get a chance it is a wonderful way to raise awareness.
There is a very good chance that this is a new concept to at least one person in the room, and it is inclusive to any non-binary people that may be participating. Also, if a facilitator automatically includes pronouns without being asked, take 30 seconds after the event to say a quick thank you! They might be new to non-binary pronouns as well, and will be validated knowing somebody appreciates their contribution. This will also make them more likely to include pronouns in future introductions.
5. Don’t be afraid to use new pronouns
It can be intimidating when someone tells you their pronouns are zhe/zir or they/them, but as long as you care enough to make an effort to use the correct pronouns, a mistake or two isn’t going to be the end of the world. Just do your best to be understanding, and people will help you if you don’t quite understand! You aren’t expected to use everybody’s pronouns perfectly every time, and it’s totally ok to slip up. Just correct yourself and move on, you will be instantly forgiven.
