"I hate girls." I hear my girl friends say. "They're horrible. I only hang out with guys."
The same friends of mine who say those things tend to make other negative generalities about our gender without realizing the consequences. By reinforcing stereotypes about college-aged women (we are petty, promiscuous, bitchy, etc.), they are keeping those harmful, simplistic labels alive. So, in an effort to help us support each other, I've compiled a list of five things we can do to build each other up.
1. When you see a girl wearing something you consider provocative, don't say anything about her sexuality.
When a female is exposing her stomach or wearing something that is revealing in some other way, it says nothing about her sex life. By immediately judging that she is provocative or assuming that she's "doing it for attention," you are disrespecting her and encouraging others to do so as well.
2. Likewise, when you see a girl wearing something that you consider unaesthetic, don't say anything about her lack-of-sexuality.
When a woman does not wear something revealing, people tend to joke that she is asexual. Once again, women's appearances do not tell us anything about their actual sex lives. The fact that some people choose to dress modestly does not give us any indication of their personal belief system or lifestyle.
3. When your girl friends tell you about something exciting, get excited for them.
So many times, my girl friends have told me about something super exciting and I have celebrated with them. It's so important to support each other in every aspect of our lives, especially when it comes to new starts. My friends tell me about new workout classes, new majors, and new jobs. It doesn't matter what it is. If my girl is happy about it, then I'm happy about it, too.
4. Try to prevent yourself from gossiping about your female friends.
Friends gush to each other. We love to share things and to examine our personal lives with the help of our closest friends. However, all too often I hear people spreading each other's deepest confessions. Not only is this painful, but it crosses genders. Everyone gossips once and a while. This is destructive and it can lead to broken relationships and deep-rooted resentment. At every turn of the road, try to be the wise friend who keeps her friends' secrets safe.
5. Realize that the women around you are NOT competition.
In so many aspects of life, women are pitted against each other. Magazines invent feuds between females and broadcast them as much as they can. Reality T.V. shows try to catch the darkest, most vicious arguments between women and blast them across the country. This is a societal issue, not a gender issue. The women around you are your comrades. We are all in this together—trying to defeat stereotypes and gender bias as a team. The women around you are not out to get you. We're all trying to make something of ourselves in this life, and the last thing we need is to consider each other enemies. We are all individuals—there is no need to compare yourself to the girls around you. Once you start to understand that your female friends are not competition, you can open your heart and mind to real friendship.
