Sometimes even the word "anxiety" is scary for me. I have struggled deeply with this horrible monster. I have lost sleep, been physically sick, cried, fought, missed out, felt regret and discovered freedom. There have been days when I have let anxiety win; I have lost my breath because of crippling fear that does not belong. I know the truth, that the life planned out for me does not include anxiety. I have had beautiful moments of victory over this sickness. Through this journey, I have found that there truly are ways to love someone a little better when they have anxiety.
1. Communicate.
So much of the anxiety that I have experienced comes from a lack of communication. When someone that is important to me stops talking to me, I immediately feel fear start to creep in. "Did I do something wrong?" "Are they mad at me?" "Does this mean they don't want to talk to me anymore?" If you are a significant other reading this, make sure you're communicating. Remind them that you love them and that everything is OK. If you are a parent reading this, please tell your anxious child that you love them and nothing will ever stop you from loving them. If you are a best friend reading this, tell your anxious best friend five things that you love about them. Communicating is so important. On the other hand, if you are upset or hurt, communicate that! Tell us immediately so we can talk it through and not let the anxious thoughts fester.
2. Pray for them.
Sometimes your anxious friend will need something more to grasp than a prayer, but I have found that this will bring peace. As much as you care for your anxious friend, God cares for them even more. It does not hurt to pray for them, or even with them, if you have a relationship where that is OK. Even if you don't think they will be open to prayer -- you can pray for them. The Lord cares and the Bible says, "Cast all your anxieties on Him (God), because He cares for you" - 1 Peter 5:7.
3. Tell them stories.
Once, I was having overwhelming anxiety, the kind that makes you lose your breath and hot tears stream down your face. I was communicating with my best friend, telling her that I was having an anxiety attack, and she immediately said: "Let me tell you a story." She proceeded to tell me random stories about little things that had been happening in her life. But it took my mind off of my anxiety, and by the end, I was even laughing.
Another way to tell stories is this: when your friend is having an anxiety attack, remind them of times that everything has been OK. Tell them a story about a time that you can remember when they were having bad anxiety and it all worked out. Sometimes the reminder that this is going to end and it will be okay can help sustain them and remind them that there is hope in this situation.
4. Touch them.
This can very tricky -- sometimes touching them can actually trigger them or set them off more than helping them, but I'm hoping that you know them enough to know whether or not a physical touch will help. For me personally, physical touch can help me. Someone hugging me or even touching my arm can help me feel safe, accepted and loved. Physical touch is one of my top love languages so it really speaks to my heart when I receive that. Sometimes your friend needs to just be held.
5. Remind them that everything is OK.
Remember, a huge part of anxiety is overthinking everything. It makes you believe that people in your life are going to abandon you, so you push away because you do not want to get hurt. It causes people to "self-sabotage" -- or cut people they love off just out of the fear that they will end up getting hurt and cannot face that pain. One of the most frustrating things about anxiety is actually being able to grasp that it is a disorder, and there might not even be a reason to be freaking out, but you still cannot shut the feeling down. If everything is OK, then please, tell them everything is OK. Even if you are thinking "of course everything is OK," remind them. It will help them so much more than you can understand. Sometimes I need to be told "Everything is OK" more than once a day.
Love the anxious person in your life in the best ways that you can today. And remember, their favorite Disney movie, a coloring book and hot tea doesn't hurt either.
