There are quite a few things that I refuse to try to do because of my weight- because of the risk of humiliation in failing to be able to do something or the somewhat lower self-esteem that comes with being larger than almost all of my friends. And, honestly, I don't say that because I feel bad for being the "fat friend" or because I want to be skinny like them. I say it as a statement of fact- I don't always feel as pretty as them or as free to do want I want.

1. Self-Esteem

My self-esteem is usually pretty high- I was raised to be very independent- but every once in a while, a comment or a side glance will have me second guessing my outfit for the day, my actions, the way I'm standing/talking/smiling and even the amount of fun I'm having. I think some of that guilt is the fact that as women, we are taught to value others' opinions about ourselves more than our own thoughts.

2. Cute clothes/shoes/jewelry

Please understand- there are cute clothes that fit me and several people still manage to rock their outfits no matter their size- but I don't like having to give it three times the effort to find a shoe in my size that is as awesome as the ones I saw online. Or having to go to certain stores because they'll have my size every time- even if the sleeves end up being too long.

3. Sharing

From clothes to a seat with someone else and even to share an item of food. It's always awkward because their clothes most likely won't fit. Someone is going to end up halfway off the bench or squished between me and a wall of a car door. With food, there's always that moment when they stop eating before they've finished their half and you're still hungry or feel obligated to finish the rest of it.

4. Roller coasters

Or any other super fun thing that requires a seat belt of a standard length or a weight limit. Because then it becomes a struggle to find something to do that everyone can do- i.e. something even you can do.

5. Walking/ Exercising

I know I'm out of shape, I know I should be doing more to help get healthier, and yes, I do know how to work out.

I just have asthma and an anxiety of looking really gross and sweaty in front of strangers- in baggy clothes because I refuse to search for exercise clothing that will fit and not wear out immediately- and I'd rather not go alone.

Just some things I realized are difficult to do while being fat- because as an overweight person, as someone who has almost always been overweight, there are several things that I know I have missed out on doing.