In my friend group, I am what's known as the mom friend. Now what is the mom friend you may be wondering. Well Urban Dictionary describes the mom friend as “That one friend in your squad that's super responsible and almost over-protective of them.” It takes a special amount of skill to be the mom of the friend group. You have to be born with a sixth sense of what to do in any kind of situation. You need to know your friends drinking limits, what person is their weakness, and how to get them out of a party if it comes down to it. But not all mom friends are created equal. It’s pretty much natural selection. You are the fittest for that situation so the mom friend you shall become.
1. The sober mom friend
It is automatically assumed that if you aren’t drinking you are the mom for the night. While this is a good assumption it’s not always the case. I have plenty of friends that don’t drink but they don’t like when the mom responsibilities fall on them. But even if they don’t necessarily want mom duty, they help people out anyway. I mean, if you don’t help your friends when you're sober what does that say about you as a human? Now the sober mom friends isn’t just someone who never drinks, it could also be the DD for the night and often times this friend changes. The sober mom friend has to take on a lot of responsibility but they know they can handle whatever the night throws at them.
2. The Buddha mom friend
This mom friend is the person you go to for advice. All the words of wisdom you will ever need come from this person. They will tell you how to handle problems, how to compose emails, and what to do about the boy who holds your attention. She is always down for a chat turned rant session and is always unbiased. She knows exactly when you need to hear that you’re being stupid or knows exactly when you just need some quiet time. This mom friend knows that her friends don’t just need someone to look out for them at parties, she knows that her friends need someone to look out for them all the time.
3. The on/off mom friend
She rotates around many groups and in each group her role changes. In some groups she is able to do whatever she wants but in others she has to take charge. This is one of the best kinds of mom friends because they know how to control themselves when they aren’t the mom so the mom friend that may be in charge that night doesn’t have to do much work. On the flip side, if the mom friend of the night becomes overwhelmed the on/off mom can step in and help.
4. The wine mom mom friend
She is the one who can corral everyone into one area even though she is not in the right state of mind. Out of the whole friend group, she may be the one that does but at the end of the night you can trust her to get everyone home safe. She’s the one that enforces the “text me when you get home” rule. If I could compare this mom friend to anyone it would be Regina George's mom. Not all there all the time but when it comes down to it she knows what her friends need and how to accomplish it. It’s truly a magical power.
5. The overall mom friend
Encompasses all of these moms. Can give great advice, manages her friends, and still knows how to have fun. These friends are rare but when you find one you’ll realize what a great addition they are to your group. The best thing about the overall mom friend is that anyone can become one. It’s like the final stage of evolution, it’s something you strive for.
