Fraternity gentlemen can make college fun, torturous and ecstatic all at the same time. There will be legendary pranks and parties, but don’t let all that go to your head. Here are a few things to keep in mind when stepping into the Sperrys of a new world.
1. Pick up your jaw and wipe the drool from your mouth.
There will be girls. If you stare at our boobs too long, we will think you are creepy, and if you stand around us awkwardly like a flock of birds around bread, we will literally make you bite our dust. Please be yourself and keep your d**k in your pants for the first week.
2. Try to keep the alcohol low key.
Drinking and fraternities and college, oh my. No matter how much you are “encouraged” to drink, please don’t get so wasted you are on the side of the road in your whitey tighties the next day. It will be talked about and you will be known as the Fruit of the Loom Boy.
3. Keep your bow tie game strong.
If I spend three hours trying to put on a dress with Spanx and keep my hair perfectly curled all at the same time, you better be on your bow tie game. Tie that shit nice and keep your panties from getting in a wad.
4. Don’t only converse with people at parties.
We are people outside of socials, formals and other forced interactions. If you only talk to me when you are trying to get in my pants or hand me a drink, then boy, bye. We are ultimately all here to get a degree in an area we will probably never work in, so join the club of 2 a.m. cram sessions.
5. Call it love or Jack Daniel's.
Every blue moon, a fraternity gentlemen and a sorority woman fall in love and have a relationship everyone secretly is jealous of (mostly because they have someone to forever torture at events). If this is you, congratulations! Keep it real, love hard and don’t tell every single thing to your brothers. We will find out if you tell your entire fraternity what color thong I wear on Wednesdays.
Make the best of these days, because they go by fast. Live it up in the best way and take mental pictures of the high points every chance you get. Make stories to tell your grandkids, and remember to always keep your frat game strong.
