This really weird thing happens to me at college, where people who I've met about 10 times "forget" who I am and re-introduce themselves. We do the whole, "Wait you look so familiar, how do I know you?" bit, but in the back of my mind, I'm running a list of all the photos I stalked on their Insta. If we’ve met before, there is a 100 percent chance I’ll say hi when I see you. All I want to know is: when is it acceptable to pretend not to know someone?
1. When you just can’t hold it anymore and share a bathroom with a random stranger at a frat party.
You and the guy next to you have been talking on line for the bathroom for a good 10 minutes, and in your mind, you're now best friends. So he says to you, "Hey, you can take the toilet and I'll take the shower!" and it's the best plan you've heard all week. For right now, this guy is the coolest person you know even though you keep forgetting his name. But the next night, you see him in the dining hall and quickly realize that he’s your roommate’s boyfriend’s best friend, so basically life couldn’t be worse.
When your roommate asks why he kept giving you weird looks at dinner, you might just end up saying that he was in one of your classes freshman year. (FRAT 101?)
2. When your boyfriend decides to introduce you to that mysterious ex-girlfriend he’s still friends with.
You’ve stalked her Facebook and she’s stalked yours, but when you two finally meet, you pull the classic, “I’ve heard so much about you!” which roughly translates to, “I’ve seen literally every picture you’ve posted since 2009.” Because you’re not just going to come out and admit that she’s been the focus of all your 2 a.m. stalk sessions.
It’s not like you know she has three dogs and they all happen to be golden retrievers, right? Or that she went through an emo phase back in the 10th grade…
3. When you accidentally steal someone’s coffee.
You’re almost late for work but decide to stop into Starbucks for your daily dose of caffeine and order a vanilla iced latte. The barista calls out a vanilla iced coffee, and in your rush to leave, you accidentally swipe it from the counter. While you’re pouring milk into your drink, you hear a girl ask, “Wait, where’s my coffee?” and notice that she starts glaring at you. You could be a good person and stop to apologize, or you could just run to your car. And naturally, you’re out the door in 20 seconds flat thinking you’ll never see her again.
Later that night, you head to your friend’s birthday party and the first person you see after you arrive is Ms. Vanilla Coffee. A mutual friend introduces you and the two of you spend the rest of the night making awkward eye contact.
4. When you both like the same guy.
This random girl keeps commenting on every single Insta picture that the guy you like posts. How dare she make a move on this guy when she has no clue you have feelings for him! Some people are so rude. So you decide to start commenting on his pictures too, and there’s no doubt you’ve both started hard-core stalking each other’s Instagrams.
But you go to the student center to get food the same time as her every day, so you've got to pretend like someone’s texting you every time she walks past. Maybe she thinks you’re texting that guy and gets super jealous, or she does the exact same thing every time you walk by, but do you care?
Probably.
5. When you accidentally follow someone you were stalking on social media.
(If you couldn’t tell, I stalk people on social media a lot and am kind of assuming you do too.)
Have you ever accidentally followed someone you were stalking on Insta or even double-tapped one of their photos by mistake? This is a rookie move, but it happens to the best of us. Even if you quickly unfollow or unlike someone’s photo, they still get a notification and it feels like your world is crumbling around you.
On the off chance that you go to school with this person, are you more likely to acknowledge that this happened if you see them or conveniently put up your hood when they walk past? I mean, it’s been so cold these past few days, it’s only logical to bundle up, right? Yeah, let’s go with that.
