Disclaimer: This list is based off of my own personal experience working in a small restaurant for the past decade. This list by no means contains everything one can learn from working under parental wings and may vary by industry and job, but I stand by what I've shared in this article.
1. You'll get pushed the hardest.
I can't count the number of days I felt like the petty hench-woman, constantly being sent to do my mother's bidding. But lo and behold, there was a lesson in that. It wasn't that she was trying to overwork me or just have me do all the work I thought she didn't want to do herself. I had to keep busy, because when you're the kid of the boss or manager, then all eyes are on you. The other employees are watching how you're treated to analyze not only your character but your parents' as well. Is this girl the kind of person who thinks she can do anything because her mom owns the place? Am I working for a boss who shows favoritism? For my people who watched the TV series, "Everybody Hates Chris," you might remember the episode when Julius took his son, Drew, to work with him as a delivery man. Drew was initially upset that his father was being tougher on him than everyone else, but he later learned that it's about principle. Especially in this generation where Millennials are getting labeled as "entitled and overly-sensitive," it's that kind of tough love and struggle that reminds us that we need to work for what we want. Earn our keep. Show people that we're worth what we think we are instead of merely demanding it.
2. You'll care more than other employees.
I started learning how to work at my mom's restaurant when I was 9. After a few months, I was already criticizing employees' work ethics, work habits and general attitudes throughout the day. I was able to see some key characteristics of a truly stand-up employee: humble, hard-working, willing to compromise, effective, thrifty. (That last one is especially useful in a small restaurant; never waste supplies!) Then when we had to start hiring some more people, I noticed some fundamental differences. These employees were generally lazier, not really caring about finding work to keep them busy. They also didn't try upselling nor care about maintaining our quality of customer service and food before giving it to customers. There's an age-old saying passed from business owner to business owner: it's hard to find good help. And it's true. It's not easy finding employees who will care about your business the same way you do, because they don't have any personal stake in whether or not sales are up or down. This may be situational since we operate our restaurant a little differently than others, but the statement remains true. Whether I like working at the restaurant or not, it's my family's business, the thing that keeps food on our table, the water running, the Wi-Fi coursing through the devices in our home. So while our specific business isn't a stepping stone towards my desired career, I still owe it to my family to make my best effort to keep our place successful.
3. You need to work just as hard as the next person, if not the hardest of all.
This bleeds back a little into my first point, but I felt it needed some more elaboration. Not only are your co-workers evaluating how much you care and work, but they use you as a gauge of how hard they have to work. It might not make sense yet, but think about it. In the employee's mind, the boss isn't going to fire his or her child for slacking. (In my case, my mother just yelled at me whenever I did until I got my act together so termination has never been on the table. Just more of that comforting "tough love" I mentioned earlier.) So if the employee just works--or slacks--as much as the boss' kid, then that employee is ideally safe from getting reprimanded, much less fired. We create the standard. It's the same as if we go work under anyone else and the manager doesn't live up to his own standards. Can we as employees be expected to work harder than our superior? Maybe, but chances are that if we're feeling that way, it'll reflect in our work and we won't end up working there for long.
4. Customers trust you more than regular employees.
I hope I've made the message clear: we are the reflection of our parents, especially in a work environment. In a restaurant especially, there are several regulars who have grown to expect not needing to order their food on their own. Since my mother is there every day and usually takes orders, her customers over the past 10 years have grown accustomed to her knowing their favorites before they even walk in, given they're not the kind who like to change up what they eat. Over the years, we've, of course, had other cashiers leave and enter, so those part-timers don't have a clue 99% of the time about what the regulars want. So what happens? These customers, whether they walk in or order over the phone, immediately request for my mother to take their order to avoid the hassle and possibility of a newbie getting it wrong. While I completely understand, it does get on my nerves from time to time since I've been working there almost as long as she has and some would still tell me to retrieve my mother, as if I don't know the menu myself. On the bright side, most of them calm down once I tell them I'm her daughter and proceed to let me take care of them. But alas, there'll always be that minority that wants to be lazy and I take the scolding from my mother for being needy. Oh, well.
5. They want a close relationship.
I don't think I'd have the same respect for my mother now if I never worked with her. In our case, she's a Malaysian Chinese immigrant whose job résumé consists of working at her parents' café when she was a young girl, selling clothing in an Orlando flea market and waitressing at various Chinese and hotel restaurants for a majority of the past 25 years. When I was young, I knew she worked hard. A single mother raising two children and supporting my grandmother all at once. My older brother and I are in college now and my grandma is still alive and well. She did it all. But I never would've understood just how tiresome working a blue-collar job could be, especially doing that and managing everyone in it. We're constantly on our feet, lifting and moving light to heavy objects, dealing with obnoxious customers and complaints, cleaning our workstation and dining floor, and everything else that comes with working in a restaurant.
By being able to walk in her shoes--one time I literally did because my shoes were wearing out and she gave me hers so that she instead endured the pain--I understand her when she says she's "tired." Most of the time, it's merely physical. Sometimes it's emotional, other times mental. In our hardest times, she experienced all three at once and I was the only one around to console her and help her through it. I couldn't have been there for her if I didn't know exactly what she was talking about if she was fatigued from running back and forth between the kitchen and the dining area, mitigating an argument between employees, calming a belligerent customer who happened to walk in amidst the chaos. I could help her because I've lived through it myself. This empathy derives from an appreciation for her that couldn't be replicated any other way. There are some things you can't teach your kid; they just have to live it to learn it. Plus, between my schooling and her 12-hour days, 6 days a week, going to work with her has been the main way we get to see each other besides me rushing off to school in the morning or staying up late at night and just exchanging greetings as she walks through the door. At the end of the day, we're not just an employer/employee or mother/daughter. We're best friends, and over the past two years, practically business partners.
Were there times I wished I didn't have to work there? Sure. Did my mom and I argue about it? Absolutely. But I'm grateful for the experience I've acquired and lessons I've learned. There's no way I'd be the person I am now if I hadn't started working so early and for the amazing woman I proudly call my mother. For anyone out there who has reservations about working for their parents or learning their trade, take it from me: it'll be worth it in the end and you'll come out stronger and better because of it.
