Coming out of the closet can be hard enough. Coming out as a sexuality that isn't exactly highly accepted in your community? That's even harder. Whether this is a thought you've had about someone who is pansexual or bisexual, or whether it's a thought or statement someone has made to you, here are five things that seem to be the most common in the vast array of assumptions or statements made about people that is not anyone's place to make statements about.
1. They can’t make up their mind.
They can't make up their mind because of their indecision to choose a gender from the vast spectrum of whom they are going to be attracted to, the lack of picking a proverbial side obviously means that they are either a)greedy or b)are indecisive.
This is so wrong. Here's the thing: some people don’t care about what’s in your pants, whether it’s a penis, a vagina or a whole lot of determination. People who identify as pansexual will tell you that they don’t care how you identify (most people will actually care but not in this context). They care about who you are as a person as well as whether or not they are actually attracted to you. Whether it is physical or mental, that is their choice.
2. Dating _____ gender makes you ______ sexuality.
Even though they might have told someone multiple times that they identify bisexual, as soon as they start dating someone of the same sex they are immediately gay or a lesbian. Or as soon as you start dating the opposite sex you must be heterosexual.
The thing that’s wrong with this statement is the idea that there are only two genders, and that who you are currently with dictates whom you are attracted to. Just because someone is dating a boy doesn’t mean they can’t find Scarlett Johansson to be absolutely gorgeous.
3. Bi/pansexuals are incapable of monogamous relationships.
Honestly, I’m not even sure where people got this idea. Perhaps from the slut shaming culture we associate with bi/pansexuals. Either way, someone’s partner’s sexuality will not dictate if they will or will not cheat on them. If someone cheats in a relationship, then that is their own moral mistake. That is something that has everything to do with their moral compass and nothing to do with who they find attractive. It's that simple.
4. Bi/pansexuals love threesomes!
This view is both irritating and somewhat makes sense at the same time. Who doesn’t want to have their cake and eat it too, right? However, the idea that they are so into threesomes has resulted in a bombardment of undesirable propositions from couples online or in real life wanting to “spice things up” or “try something new.” More often than not, these propositions don’t even contain a perfunctory “Hello, you look nice” or any other kind of humanizing email chatter.
They are not the Krispy Kreme of sex. They are not always hot and ready for someone and their significant other to use as a spice to add to their lives. They are real people with real feelings who are not there to be the toy added to someone’s sex life.
5. It’s just a phase.
They can’t make up their mind, but eventually they will figure it out. Honestly, I can’t even come up with an ironic situation for this because this is such a real occurrence.
As if coming out of the closet for the first time isn’t terrifying enough, coming out to declare that they don’t have a preference is like stepping out of a revolving door. It makes sense that some people view it as a stepping stone to a more “valid” sexual identity, and sometimes this is the case. However, this rationale is also what causes people to devalue this sexuality as a form of identity.
No matter how you look at either of these two sexualities, you should acknowledge that it is not your place or anyone else's to make these assumptions about someone or their sexuality. People identify in many ways, and whether it is similar to ourselves or different, it's important that we simply allow people to exist and be themselves.
