We've been through a lot, maybe more than fellow peers. We fought some monsters and received quite a few scars from the battles, but you managed to pull through each time. Your problems went away, none lasted forever like you thought. You may have done some things that you'll wish you hadn't for the rest of your life, however there came some pretty amazing points in your life that for a while you didn't believe you would see. There are so many things I wish I could go back in time and tell you, things I wish I knew back then. For the sake of time and simplicity, I'm going to highlight the top five statements I wish you could have heard.
1. School does not own you
Yes, it is important to focus on school and do well in classes, but school is for school. You shouldn't be going home with school being the only thing on your mind. You have a life outside of it that you can't enjoy if you're too worried about that test next week. You could have been making all those friends you longed for, learned guitar like you wanted, become a better writer like you wished, but you were too stressed over that 25-question assignment due on Friday to even think about doing something for yourself. Grades are important, but so are you.
2. Depression doesn't last forever, scars do
It was always a spur-of-the-moment compulsion, usually following a short phase of overthinking and stress. You told yourself "This is the last time" every time, you chose to deny the fact that you were destroying your body. You even went to a doctor, you were diagnosed with chronic depression, you were put on pills to make you feel "normal" each day, yet you continued to deny the problem, you continued to hurt yourself. Years later when all those "problems" were gone, the scars were not. You can't wear a sleeveless shirt or shorts in public because of others' wandering eyes, the scars that you can't cover often become a topic of a discussion you never wanted to be a part of. It's a constant reminder of the feelings you were plagued with in both middle and high school, however it shows that you were able to get through the times where you felt you could no longer go on.
3. All those things you said you wouldn't do, you did
Remember that vow you made in third grade where you declared you would never drink, smoke or do drugs? Well, high school happened and so did those three sins. You never went to parties, mainly because you were never invited, but that didn't stop you from goofing around with your friends in the school parking lot during football games. There were plenty of hotboxed cars, drunk texts and shirts reeking of cigarettes to prove that you went through high school like the majority of your class. There is no valid reason why you did these things, you still regret them months and years later.
4. Don't be such a homophobe
Plot twist: you're gay. You didn't find this out until your sophomore year of high school when out of nowhere you caught feelings for your best friend, whom you are currently dating, celebrating eleven months together as of the 5th of August and plan to propose to in a little over a year. Wild, right? Don't worry, you're still a Christian and stronger in your faith now than before. You realize now that God put her in your life to keep you on track, you don't struggle like you used to, you're so much happier and you know you have a future and someone to live it with.
5. It got better
All those times you questioned if it was worth seeing the next day, all the late nights you spent crying out to God and praying He would take you, every goodbye letter you wrote "just in case" you really did it, every attempt, every tear, every cut, in the end became nothing. You lived. You lived to see the hope you wanted, the peace you needed and the love you always deserved. You finally learned how to play guitar and began travel to different churches to sing with a family that claimed you as their own. You became the third highest in command over your J.R.O.T.C. battalion, proudly bearing the rank of a Captain. You're on your way to get that degree in the medical field that you've wanted since you were only a few years old. You became the person you wanted to be, the person you never thought you would live to become. You defied the odds you gave yourself. You did it; and, after all this time, I'm proud of you.
