Oftentimes, people find themselves beginning a relationship before they even have time to think about what this means for both parties. Relationships mean commitment and if you aren't ready to make that commitment, the relationship is doomed from the beginning. So here are a few things to think about before making any rash decisions.
1. Do you know this person?
Sure, part of the fun in a relationship is learning many new things about your partner along the way but do you know the basics? Who is this person? What do they struggle with and will you be able to help them with their struggles? Does he/she have a relationship with her family? Has this person been a part of an abusive relationship before, either as the abuser or the victim? Asking yourself questions like this will help prevent you from stumbling upon "surprises" in the future that may damage your relationship.
2. Will a relationship with this person be something you'll be proud of and vice versa?
No one should be the dirty little secret of the person they love. If you find that you are: a) keeping your SO a secret or b) your SO is keeping you a secret, it probably means that one or both of you are ashamed of your relationship. A comfortable and healthy relationship means that both parties should be able to be open about their relationship to friends and family. If 6 months into your relationship, you're still being introduced as a "friend", it's time to kick him to the curb.
3. Will this person get along with your family and friends?
No, your family should not control your life and no, you shouldn't make all of your decisions based on what they want. But it's hard to maintain a relationship with your family if they despise your SO or vice versa. Typically family and friends know you better than most and they can usually tell if someone is a good fit for you. This is not always true. But ask yourself this: is this person going to be worth risking a relationship with a family member/friend in the long run? If the answer is no, then steer clear.
4. Will there be parts of your relationship that you'll feel you'll have to hide?
I cannot stress this enough. If you feel like you are being controlled or hurt and are not able to talk to anyone about it, this is not good. You should feel open to talk about your relationship with others. No, you don't have to share all of the details with everyone but you also shouldn't be prevented from speaking to certain people and/or about certain topics.
5. Do you see this person in your future?
I feel that many people don't take relationships seriously anymore. Before dating someone, consider whether or not you see both of you committing to this relationship and wanting a future out of it. Think about whether or not you both want same things out of your lives, such as marriage, children, etc. If you jump into a relationship fully blind and you are both expecting different outcomes, it is obviously not going to work for both parties and this means someone, if not both people, will be disappointed by the outcome. All in all, is this a person you could spend the rest of your life with and is it someone you can see yourself working with through all of your troubles?
Life is absolutely complicated and adding relationships to it complicates things even further. I urge you to think all things through before making decisions like this. A toxic relationship can ruin even the brightest and happiest of people and no one deserves such a terrible outcome.
