Before you continue this, you might be curious as to what your "love language" is. Visit 5lovelanguages.com for the quiz developed by Dr. Gary Chapman.
I know, I know, this seems cheesy and silly and corny and all those other adjectives we use to describe anything in relation to love. But here's the thing, it's actually rather helpful to have an idea of how you feel loved.
Quality time might be one of the most troublesome of the love languages. The others are words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, and physical touch. While the others are a bit more self-explanatory, quality time is far more encompassing and therefore far more difficult to pin down.
There are a few things that ring true for all those who speak the love language of quality time.
1. Small talk sucks:
It might actually be the worst thing to ever enter a relationship. This might just be me and my introverted hatred for small talk, but come on. When we're talking about a really solid relationship, why is small talk even necessary? Sure we can talk about the weather if we're discussing how it will affect our plans, but because we ran out of things to talk about? No. Small talk is the "I don't know you nor do I want to" conversation. Not exactly conducive to a growing relationship.
2. Texting does not equal quality time:
Texting might be the worse thing to ever enter a relationship if you tend to identify with the quality time thing. Quality time doesn’t always mean conversation, more often it’s simply being with another person and feeling loved. Text messaging requires constant attention, interaction, and communication. It's so annoying, especially when it seems like a never-ending stream of small talk. Remember, we’ve already talked about how annoying that is. Constantly texting is not an adequate substitution for being near one another.
3. Distance is hard:
Okay, I recognize this is true for pretty much 99 percent of people in relationships, but for those of us who are attuned to quality time, being away from that for long spans of time can really take a toll. It’s not that we can’t do it, obviously, if we’re invested in the relationship distance comes with the territory, it just kind of sucks. Quality time is how we feel loved, and with distance, it becomes very difficult to feel loved. Which, you know, is pretty important in a relationship. The good knows? That is not necessarily proof that we are loved. We can be loved without always feeling it, and when quality time is not an option, the other four languages may offer adequate substitutes.
4. You fall in love with good conversations:
Quality time folks are rarely impressed by fancy gifts or promises of futures if the present is not worth the time. Good conversations, you know the kind, the ones that leave you thinking about space and history and something more than a stone’s throw away. Good conversations are a lens to the future in the relationship. It is here that you learn the other’s heart, and here that you fall in love.
5. You still appreciate other forms of love:
Sure, your primary love language is quality time, but what about your secondary? Tertiary? Words of affirmation are always appreciated. Small gifts to say "hey I appreciate you" or "I was thinking about you" are totally great. Quality time is not the only way you feel loved, it's just that if you have everything else but you are lacking quality time, it begins to feel empty. Words of affirmation are wonderful when they are accompanying time well spent with someone you care about, but if words of affirmation are following the words "I don't have time for you" often, it begins to seem empty. Quality time is the most necessary.
For those of us who feel the most loved through quality time, it's important to ensure that quality time occurs on a pretty regular basis. It really can be anything, so long as it allows for conversations that matter and silence when it counts, quality time trumps all.
