This one goes out to all my girls (and guys) who are used of being asked about their friend *insert name here*. You know what I'm talking about? You know, that one super modelesque friend (or are all of your friends if you are #blessed like I am) who all the men flock to and all the girls want to be? You have been #blessed with beautiful friends and you love them for it anyways. You have become accustomed to people staring at you as they walk by and knowing that they weren't actually looking at you; they were looking at *insert name here*'s booty. And you are totally fine with it. In fact, you may frequently pimp out *inset name here* when you go to the bars. You have come to appreciate your ability to get your friends the hottest looking guys, even on nights where you spent 3 hours beating your face just to be even in the same realm of attractiveness as they are but you are just another face in a sea of more gorgeous faces. You have accepted your role as friend pimper outer (yes I did just make up this word) and are totally okay with it because you loves those humans. If you identify as any of these things, here are some things you may be used to hearing.
1. "You're friends with *insert name here* right? She is so *insert compliment here*.
Yes, yes I am. And yes, yes she is. Am I a person who is still human when I am not with *insert name here*? Yes, yes I am. But does that register to you? Nope and I totally understand.
2. "Is *insert name here* single?"
You may get this 5 to 10 times a night, depending on how much of a sausage party it is at the bar. The answer you want to say: "Why don't you grow a pair and ask her yourself?" What you really say: " You know, I think she is. Why don't I introduce you."
3. " Hey where is *insert name here* tonight?"
Contrary to popular belief, I am not handcuffed to my pretty friend at all times and don't have her GPSed (Wait does find your friends app count? Because if it does, then maybe I do?)
4. " Hey do you have *insert name here*'s number?"
Yes, yes I do. Am I going to give it to you? Maybe- depends if you give me the creeps or not. And you now feel like you have all the power in the world. You sit on the throne of swords. Will you be giving this guy her number- Maybe.
5. Sorry but...
And then he butts in on the middle of your conversation with your friend. He may even put himself in between you and your friend. So then you are left to sip your drink while your friend chats up this dude and you are stuck looking at the back of this guy's head.
Hey, these things happen. And you get used to it because even though it drives you crazy sometimes you wouldn't want to go out with anyone besides your besties. They always have your back so you have no problem pimping them out when you're on a night out.
And guys: it's okay that you ask these things but maybe you could you know, try to actually have a conversation with us before you ask any of these things. We like to talk to people too.
* This article is a joke so don't read too far into it.*
