There are several phrases that are popular regarding love in today’s society. Things like “love is love,” or “I will love you forever,” or even “I really love my (insert word here),” and lately “love wins” has been a big one. We watch movies that focus on the topic of love, get wrapped up in celebrity relationships, and sometimes we search endlessly for love—or for our perception of what love is. But to me it seems that the term “love” is used much more loosely than it should be, which diminishes the meaning of what love truly is. In the dictionary, love is defined as “a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.” In the Bible, it is defined by 1 Corinthians 13:4-7: “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” According to that verse, love is many things, and also listed are the many things that love is not. I thought of a few other things that I could add to the list.
1. Love is not conditional
And if you are in a relationship where it is, that is not love at all. Love bears, believes, hopes and endures all things, and if you are dating someone who cannot forgive you, move on from fights and love you constantly throughout all of them, there is no love present.
2. Love is not painful
Physically, mentally, or emotionally. If you are in a relationship that has any sort of abuse, which can be more than physical harm, you are not being loved in the way that you deserve—you actually aren’t being loved at all.
3. Love is not restricting
If someone claims that they love you, but restricts you from experiencing life to the very fullest, set yourself free—because this goes hand in hand with trust as well. If you can’t trust someone, you’re already sabotaging the foundation for being able to build love.
4. Love is not condescending
If you put others down, especially for your own benefit, you are in the wrong. You should never make someone else feel less worthy than you and certainly not solely for your own selfish gain. You don’t make yourself look any better at the expense of tearing someone down, especially when it is someone that you claim you love.
5. Love is not condemning
Now with this, I am going to cover the no-no topic among some Christians, but a very present thing in society today. When all of the talk over Bruce Jenner’s choice to transition to being a woman happened, I was disappointed. My disappointment, however, was not with his decision, but with the reaction that many people who claim to be Christian had upon hearing of his choice. As Christians, we are simply called to love and demonstrate the love of Christ in all that we say and do. We are called to lead others to Christ—yet how can we do that with a spirit of hatred and condemnation? Whether you agree or disagree with Jenner’s decision, it is no one’s place to pass judgement for anything or on anyone. Ever. And this truth doesn’t just apply to this situation, but to all.
As we have been called to love one another, nowhere ever did God command us to condemn those that we felt were wrong. Specifically in Matthew 7:1-5, the Bible reads, “Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.”
