When my girlfriend and I started dating in January of 2014, I had no doubt she would get into medical school. A Georgia Tech graduate with an impressive résumé—and even more impressive interviewing skills—she is one of the most driven people I have ever met. As predicted, she was accepted, and just finished her second year.
While my expectations of her success have never been misguided, nothing could have prepared me for what dating a medical student has really been like, much less a medical student who lives two and a half hours away. Like any couple, we've had our ups and downs, but I know our relationship has made me a better person and even taught me a few things along the way.
Whether you're straight, gay, dating a medical student or not, here are five lessons I've learned in the past two years that any can apply to their relationship.
1. Texting is the best way to start an argument.
When your significant other (SO) lives almost three hours away, the majority of your communication is probably limited to texting. And if you've ever sent a text to anyone, you know they are very easily misinterpreted. Now let's add hours of studying, not quite as many hours of sleep, and something as benign as "ok" can end up severely misinterpreted. It may seem old fashioned, but actually talking on the phone or in person can prevent a handful of arguments.
2. You absolutely must pick your battles.
The times I could have complained over the past two years are countless, but if I had, this would probably be a list of five things that ruined my relationship. In medical school, your SO has a thousand things to worry about, and you are low on that totem pole. Being a whiny boy- or girlfriend will only promote you on the list of things that need to go. Decide what's important to you and stand your ground on those things, but if it can be let go, it should be.
3. It's not about you.
Man oh man is this true, and if you're going to date a medical student, you need to accept this one from the beginning. This, however, is not to say that your feelings and goals and happiness are not important. It's not about you, but it is about the two of you, and the key to any relationship is compromise.
4. Get a life.
But really. Having your own life and your own friends is vital. If you sit around waiting to be included, you're going to be severely disappointed. Be your own person. Have your own interests. Being the non-medical half can be lonely, but having something or someone to turn to will preserve your sanity
5. Appreciate the small things.
This is probably the most important lesson I've learned, and it applies not just to relationships, but to life too. In high school, dating meant seeing each other throughout the day and spending hours together watching movies and with friends. In college, it was grabbing lunch between classes and taking weekend trips to concerts. You could sit around doing nothing at all. Good luck getting a medical student to do that. Interactions are limited to 10-minute study breaks, to brief moments before you fall asleep at the end of the day. Evening concerts at the park include your SO with a portable book stand and a stack of flash cards. Walks together are taking out the trash or putting in a load of laundry. Though it may seem silly, these are the times you look forward to. Cherish them.
It really is the small things that count, and when you're dating a medical student, the small things may be all either of you has time to give.
