Lessons Learned From A Long Distance Relationship

Lessons Learned From A Long Distance Relationship

Dedicated to the spouses, boyfriends, and girlfriends of our American servicemen
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I never thought I would ever be in a long distance relationship. I also never imagined being in a relationship with a guy at a military school. This meant that we would not see each other and would have extremely limited contact for three months. It has been a very long three months but as we are now days away from seeing each other again I have looked back on what I have learned during this separation.

1. Distance really does make the heart grow fonder.

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It sounds really cliche but in all reality this saying is true. I have learned how much I love spending time with my boyfriend or even just being able to talk on the phone with him and how much I miss our time spent together while we are apart.

2. You cherish the time you do get to spend with them/talk to them.

I used to get upset when I didn't hear from my boyfriend for a few hours. Now, I may not hear from him for a week or more and I have had to learn to deal with that. However, it has made me appreciate and cherish every single message I get from him. Even if it is a quick I love you because that may be all I get from him for a while.

3.You learn how invested in your relationship your family is:

My mom is constantly asking me if I have heard from my boyfriend and reassuring me when I haven't heard from him in a while. My parents are constantly telling me how excited they are to see him again, while also making fun of me because they get to see him before me. I am truly grateful for parents who love my boyfriend so much and are truly invested in our relationship.

4. You learn who your true friends are:

The ones who are just as excited as you for the months apart to end are the ones who are most likely going to stick with you through the long nights of missing your significant other or sit through you constantly talking about them. Your true friends are the ones who will drag you out of bed and bring you to a coffee shop or anything to keep you busy because they see you are moping around missing your S.O.

5.You learn how meaningful the smallest things can be:

Small things like a goofy picture of the two of you or a letter that was written for an anniversary become the things that you turn to when you are missing your S.O the most. I have short videos of the two of us that I watch all the time just to hear his voice which makes missing him a tiny bit easier for a little bit.


Whether you are in a long distance relationship or not, being separated from your S.O is hard. Thank you to all military spouses, boyfriends, and girlfriends for your sacrifice and thank you to their service men and women for their service to our country.

Cover Image Credit: Pexels

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To The Toxic Relationship I Was Afraid To Let Go Of

To my younger self... I'm sorry.
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As time goes on the question that echoes in my mind is: "why?" Why did I let someone who was so undeserving have my love, time, and affection?

We all like to think that we have what it takes to mend the damage someone carries, but the fact of the matter is we don't. Hurt people, hurt people – and it was only when I tried to heal a bruised heart mine became the one in trouble. When you're young, vulnerable and under someone's spell you don't realize that you shouldn't have to rip yourself apart to keep someone else whole. I was scared of losing someone I didn't really have and I thought it was better to have someone halfway than not at all.

The irony of it all is that I grew up in a healthy environment. I have two parents who love my sister, each other, and myself unconditionally. They practice the same values they preach, some of which being loyalty, forgiveness, and how important it is to love each other despite the flaws that consume us. Those values were engraved so deep in my heart and soul I couldn't recognize when enough was enough or when to pull back and that just because I displayed these traits didn't mean they would be reciprocated. It took me a while to figure out I had to draw the line of determination from desperation.

It was a bittersweet realization when I looked up from my treacherous journey only to see it led me to a dead end, but I have never felt so liberated.

There's no denying I came out of the storm a different person and most definitely with a different heart. There were so many important lessons learned, both good and bad but the one thing that's for certain is it took me getting lost to find myself. You don't fully understand what you deserve until you experience something you don't. I learned the importance of self-worth and how crucial it is to not beat yourself up over the "coulda, shoulda, woulda's." I learned that in order to love someone, you have to start with yourself.

I know I'm not the only one who experienced this and I know I'm not the only one who wanted to figure it out on my own terms, but what I do know is that no one deserves it. I'm in my twenties now and still unsure of the actual meaning of love, but I know with absolute certainty that what I felt then was not it. I have so much growing, learning, and experiencing to do – and I fully intend on taking only those who deserve to be with me on my journey. No more and no less.

Everyone's story is different but the one thing they have in common is that we get to decide whom we share our stories with and how they make us feel. You never know which page your story will end with, so make sure it would be one you would be happy with. I urge every single one of you to rid yourself of people who do more harm than good. Life isn't forever.

Cover Image Credit: Thought Catalog

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13 Relationship Deal Breakers That Just Might Justify Ghosting Them

Any of these deal breakers could be taken to the extreme, which ones make you want to go run and hide?

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Every relationship is different and none are perfect. Every person has their own list of personal deal breakers, whether that is bad hygiene or super jealous behavior. Some like clingy, while some want to run and hide.

However, if you avoid these 13 extreme deal breakers, you have a chance at making anyone swoon.

1.  Making everything a competition for no reason.

You know the type, right? These men and women want everything to be a competition. They always want to be right and they always want to have bragging rights. Even getting the front seat in a vehicle is a competition. A little bit of competition can be fun, but over time a don't want everything to feel like a game.

2. Not having any ambitions, goals or direction.

These people seem awesome. They are laid back, chill and want to have a good time on the weekend. It's a casual time, you enjoy yourself until you ask the dreaded question, "So, what are your goals?" or "What are your plans when you graduate?"

Then they hit you with the, "I don't know," or "I don't care, I'll figure it out when I get there." Um, I like setting goals. It is OK to be a little unsure, but not even having a goal for the week is... yikes.

3. Being unhygienic and just overall, a mess.

They really spruce up for special occasions and look so fine from afar. But once you get to know them, you may find some icky habits. Whether they haven't showered in days or have never washed their sheets, this deal breaker is a hard pass.

4. Being too serious and making everything an intense conversation.

This person is smart, an intellectual. You meet up and have a great date until you realize they haven't laughed at one of your jokes. You brush it off, yet you can't remember a time they made you laugh all night either.

Sometimes, our senses of humor just don't match up, and sometimes you just have to ghost them for thinking "The Office" is funnier than "Brooklyn Nine-Nine."

5. Not being able to take anything seriously ever.

On the opposite end of the spectrum, we have the Joker. This is the person who just cannot sit down with a straight face or take you seriously when you are having a moment. This is fun, in the beginning, but in time, having someone who can have a real conversation with you is so much better.

6. Not being physically attractive. 

I'm just going to say it. This deal breaker means you just aren't physically attracted to them. You lack physical intimacy and there is only so far a relationship can go without physical contact.

7. Not being able to listen or pay attention to anything you say. 

You guys can talk for hours on end about anything. Then you text them about the plans you made or the success of your day and they hit you with the "What?" Or my personal favorite, "I don't remember you saying that."

These people may truly not mean to forget but not being given attention is a reason to ghost, in my opinion.

8. Being possessive and over-attentive.

This is a major red flag. This person is one who gets extremely jealous and possessive in any and all situations. They will ask where you are and who you are with, constantly. Run as fast as you can once you see this deal breaker come to light.

9. Not being able to get away from their past.

Whether they only talk about their ex or they peaked in high school, this deal breaker comes in many shapes and sizes.

10. Being disrespectful or just overall mean.

This person just doesn't respect your boundaries. Physically, mentally or emotionally they will push you and not in a good way. When you feel uncomfortable or misunderstood, it is time to walk away.

11. Cheating. Do I even have to explain?

This one is self-explanatory. These people make you feel unworthy, mistreated and insecure. Save yourself the time and just walk away.

12. Being unable to connect with anyone else.

This person will not socialize with your friends or family. They do not go out of their way to be noticed, they do not make conversation and they certainly won't make the first move.

Shy people aren't who I am coming after, but if you are seeing someone and no effort is made, I vote you cut them off immediately.

13. Being unsupportive and rude about what you believe.

This person may have different views than you. At first, it can seem like a challenge when in reality it is so much more. Date someone who supports you and your endeavors, not someone who hates on your major or your stance on feminism.

You can agree to disagree, but you cannot be unsupportive of what your partner wants and needs out of life.

Of course, everyone feels different about their deal breakers, however, beware of the red flags. Most importantly, choose to be with someone you do not have to question or compromise for. No relationship is perfect, but there are definitely boundaries of what you will and won't put up with.

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