My childhood was one filled with watching Disney movies, playing sports, and going outside looking for adventures. The only definition of “gamer” in my life referred to my love of board games on snowy or rainy days in Michigan. My extent of video games extended to the Pac-Man machine at the local laundry mat, and that was about it.
So, needless to say, when I started talking to and dating my fiancé, J.J., I was in for an awakening into a world I couldn’t possibly understand at the time. I couldn’t figure out how he could sit there and play the same game for hours and never get bored, and willingly choose to play it again the next day. I didn’t understand how he could spend so much money on a game he would beat in a week or so and then not touch again.
At the beginning, I used to get really annoyed with the games. I could tell exactly when he was playing and even what game he was playing based on the gaps in between his texts. We went to different schools and those times when I couldn’t see him, I wanted to talk, but the game took away a lot of time that I selfishly wanted all to myself.
I had held back from playing any of the games and sat there upset when he did end up playing them when we were hanging out. I felt like I was second to a piece of technology. Looking back, this was never the case, but at 14 years old it definitely felt that way in my young and dramatic mindset.
However, I got wrapped up and thrown into a game of "Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2." I was sitting watching J.J. play with his dad and cousins during one of the holiday get-togethers. For some reason, he had to get up and leave the room and handed me the controller. At first I sat there staring at him, but all he had to say was, “Don’t let me die.” I didn’t even know how to walk or look around, let alone how to aim or shoot. After sitting in my corner, spinning around looking at the sky and shooting clouds, I finally figured it out enough to look down and kill one of his cousins that had come around the building. Even though I died about 15 times after without getting another kill, that first one showed me that I wasn’t terrible. And to my surprise, I actually enjoyed playing. After the match we were playing, I looked up and saw that J.J. had been standing there and watching me the whole time.
That was about five years ago. So, in honor of the past five years, I’m sharing five things that I have learned so far.
1. I was apparently a gamer, too.
After discovering I liked playing, J.J. convinced me to play with just him and try to figure things out together. I truly enjoyed the challenges that I was presented and the adventures that your characters went on in role playing games. J.J. and I built a bond on him teaching me and being my teammate in the virtual and real world. It wasn’t long before I was suggesting that we play a few games of "Call of Duty." I slowly was becoming a gamer right along with him.
2. It’s ok to just watch and let him play by himself.
Even though I started playing, there are some games that I don’t really like. I’m not a fan of "Grand Theft Auto" and don’t spend my time playing it when I know I’m not going to enjoy myself. Or there are sometimes when I just don’t feel like playing anymore, but J.J. wants to continue. It is fine to just be beside him and let him play. I strongly encourage being there with him. Watch. Tell him if there is someone coming up the side. Be his lookout or the person cheering him on. You don’t have to be his partner in the game to be supportive of him.
3. It helps direct frustration.
I’ll be 100 percent honest, "Call of Duty" makes me mad in ways I never knew existed in me. I found myself yelling at the TV and getting mad at the lag -- the whole shebang. As much as I don’t like admitting that I get angry, there are some rough days that are so stressful and frustrating. It ended up being much better for me to get all of it out towards fake, animated characters rather than J.J. or any other person I care about that didn’t deserve it.
4. You start “geeking” out for the new game, too.
I never thought I would be that person excited for the latest game to come out. It’s not exactly the game that I’m excited for. It’s the new experience, figuring out the game together, and all the new laughs and bonds we will share over this game. It’s something that is different and shared only between us.
5. It was always about me, not the game.
As much as I got upset at the beginning, I now know that there was no reason at all for those feelings. Anytime I was asked to play, it was because he wanted to do something with me. It had nothing to do with what game we played, it was about spending the time with me and sharing a pastime that he enjoyed doing. He was bringing me into his life and introducing me to a part of him I could only understand through a controller. He never cared how much I sucked, how many times I died, or how many times I messed up a quest. He only cared about the fact that I was playing with him. He always lets me choose the game and respects my choice if I decide not to play. He’d stop playing if I wanted to do something else or he’d just enjoy me being by his side as he embarked on his own adventure. It was always about me and us simply being together.
