For as long as I can remember, I have been an overachiever. Not just in school related fields but in life. Anything I do, I do well. This might seem like a good thing, and in the end it normally is, but the time during any given project is what I can only describe as a struggle. In fact, even writing this article has proved to be a struggle because it took me an hour to select what to focus on. So, just to give some insight into the world of a neurotic overachiever, here are five things I deal with on a day to day basis.
1. The lists
I don't know where I would be without my lists. I am constantly thinking of more things I have to do. I write lists when I go shopping, when I want to do things around the house, and I even write lists of the lists I need to make. This might seem a bit neurotic (it is), but if I don't stay organized my brain could potentially explode. When I invite new friends over, I hide my lists because hanging out with them was probably written down on one of them. They don't need to know how crazy I am right off the bat.
2. The jokes
Sometimes I question how my friends put up with me. Then I remember that they are constantly making fun of me. My friends will go into my room and intentionally move things around to mess with me. They will put my books under my pillow, switch my paintings around and even add things to my lists. I can't tell you how often "buy hemorrhoid cream" has been added to my planner. Despite the fact that they think I'm crazy, I'm still one of the first people they'll come to if they need help getting organized.
3. The panic
I can remember being in middle school and forcing my mom to take me to CVS to buy poster board for a project that wasn't due for another month. I usually lied to her about due dates so we could get my materials as early as possible. To this day I still buy my materials the moment I receive an assignment. Even if I don't start working on it that day, I need the materials in my possession or I'll go into a full blown panic attack. In addition, there is also the panic you feel on a daily basis when you look at everything you have to do (half of it being work you made up by yourself) and wonder how in the world you're going to be able to complete everything.
4. The frustration
I absolutely despise collaborating with others on a project. In high school, I was the group member who took over the entire project and did it all myself. My group members never complained. In fact, they even thanked me. It might have seemed like I was doing everything out of the kindness of my heart, but in reality I was doing it so it was done right. I still have issues letting others take charge during a project. I will overwhelm myself by volunteering to do too much simply because I need it to be done right and look good. My dad always tells me I should be an event planner, but something tells me my clients wouldn't enjoy me taking over their event.
5. The lack of sleep
I can't remember the last time I slept through a whole night. The minute I lay down, my brain is racing with all of the things I have to do the next day. I even keep a notepad next to my bed so I can jot down ideas before I eventually fall into a restless sleep. I have almost nightly dreams of failing tests, sleeping through class, etc. If I do have a dreamless sleep, I am usually woken up by my internal clock at four in the morning in a panic because I think I'm late for something. I often wake up wishing mental health days were a real excuse, but then I realize I'd be missing out on things and have to add them to tomorrow's to-do list.
I don't know what made me the neurotic overachieving mess that I am. Perhaps it has something to do with making up for everyone else who is underachieving (being normal) around me. But despite all the emotional turmoil I put myself through, there is no way I'd rather be. Although I'm sure all the innocent bystanders in my life think otherwise.
