It's amazing how much you can think about on a 90 minute plane ride. Usually, I pass the time on my flights home through reading a book or taking a nap; activities that just allow me to relax. I have no technology or people I know around me and I was not on the Brandeis campus. This time around, all I really wanted to do on my flight home was sit back and think, and my thoughts went deeper than they ever could have if I stayed on campus this weekend. Whenever people asked me why I decided to go home for the long weekend, considering that I love the city of Boston so much, why not just chill on campus? But as I flew over the mountains of upstate New York, I finally started to realize all the reasons that motivated me to come home for the High Holidays, come to peace with current drama, and realize the truth behind college popularity as a whole.
If you're close with me, have had at least one conversation with me in the past month, or follow my finsta, you've known about the drama I've had to deal with in the first month of school, both cases small and extreme. I confided in others and angry texted all of my raw, unfiltered feelings in the heat of the moment whenever events occurred. After all in the words of Olive Penderghast, "I just need to set the record straight and what better way to do that, than to broadcast it on the Internet?" While I can finsta rant all I want, being fully cleansed of the toxicity in my life was still bound to take some time. This is just a beginner's guide how to some of the actions I have been taking since everything started to calm down. Hell, I'm still in the process of learning more myself.
1. Surround Yourself With People Who Actually Care About You
Not only do I feel so grateful to have had people by my side to constantly support me in the process, but the effort that your friends take to help you out in toxic situations really lets you know who your real friends are. When incidents strike, talking it out to your friends who will genuinely listen to everything you have to say about it is one of the first steps in realizing who your real friends are. Whether it's immediately running to your side when those toxic people are nearby to help defend you in case of a confrontation, calling you up at midnight to help write an anonymous message about the drama, cooking dinner for you, or just letting you crash on their couch are some examples of real friends who have gone the extra mile to help me out. It was about time to start doing activities I thoroughly enjoy with the people who build me up.
2. Avoid Places That Could Create More Toxicity
With enough drama already on my plate, it was important for me to cut out environments where there was potential for other unnecessary turmoil to escalate. For me, that was frat parties. I'm not saying I don't enjoy frat parties anymore. After all, I am the social chair of a sorority. Going to parties freshman and sophomore year was always a blast, as I started making amazing friends in the process and would come back from parties with the excitement of having "tea" to spill for my friends. This year, it's just a different vibe. I think I started becoming less invested in college parties when I went to a couple of parties at a nearby school at the beginning of the year to get my mind off all the drama, but it ended up creating more drama instead: these were the parties at Bentley University. The first Bentley party I went to created tension between two of the friends I went with and the second Bentley party almost caused me to lose one of my close friends (thank God it didn't). I realized that college parties were starting to take a toll of my social life and adding more toxicity that I didn't need when I already had a lot more going on. In other words, these parties were starting to add extra complications that I did not need anymore. As a result, I started to slowly lose interest in going to Brandeis frat parties, mostly because I felt I was getting into more drama this year alone with the more I went to. I realized that I needed a break from placing myself in potentially toxic environments and to start filling my weekends with activities that genuinely make me happy. I started investing myself in weekend activities that I would thoroughly enjoy better, like going to the city or to concerts. Ever since I went to that second Bentley party, I am proud to say that I have started to outgrow college frat parties.
3. Witness A Reflection Of Yourself
Right now, I am finishing up this article on a Saturday night after watching Easy A. Back in high school, I would watch movies like Mean Girls and Easy A and just not relate to anything happening in these films whatsoever. Is it strange that these high school movies get more relatable once you're in college? Last weekend as I watched Mean Girls with my big and grand-big, the more motivated I felt to that need to continue "sucking all the poison out of my life". When the movie was over, I just laid down with my lineage, spilling all the tea that was occurring everywhere in my life and the fear I had of one of my friend groups imploding in on itself. I even told my lineage, "You guys are some of the most normal people I know at this school right now." These movies serve as a satirical take on how society can really act, and even watching an old high school comedy movie from the 2000s assures that you are certainly not alone. After all, someone had to find inspiration from something they witnessed in order to write a whole screenplay on it. Finding relatable content within them can help you view your current situation differently and inspire you to take action to change it.
4. Take A Quick Escape From The Place Where This Drama Occurred
Being slut shamed the second week of school caused me to question whether or not I was losing a sense of who I was. I got sucked into middle school level drama, trying to let go of it, when it kept chasing after me. I felt as though I was no longer my authentic self on campus anymore. I went home this weekend as a therapeutic escape to work on becoming my most authentic self again for when I get back from the break.
Having the opportunity to get away from the place where all of the drama in the first month of school occurred also rids me of any associations in places I go to on campus during what is supposed to be a "self care weekend". Being away from distractions allows me to really focus on what I need to do. There's something about being home that's so rejuvenating, probably because it's a break that allows me to think. Not only has there been drama centered around me in the first month of school, but there has been drama within my own friend groups as well. In fact, I could write a whole book with the amount of constant drama present on this campus.
By being away from this drama, I can finally find closure in my most recent relationship that ended when school started and move past the incident where I was slut shamed for having that relationship. Wanting to be anti social while at home for the weekend is not a sad thing. Sometimes you need space from people, no matter how much you love them and want to be around them, in order to take care of yourself and to best build yourself up again. Hell, if I didn't go home this weekend, I definitely would not be writing this article. Returning to my roots and immersing myself into what made me who I am in the first place is exactly what I needed to do this weekend.
5. Win Back Control Over Your Own Life
Just taking a nature hike back in my hometown today really allowed me to figure out the effort I need to take to win back control over what I do at school. One of the immense foundations in the drama I faced In the first month of school was being subliminally controlled by peers around me in who I could socialize with, what I should and should not do, who I can and cannot hang out with, and again, being made to feel ashamed for having dated someone. My plane lands, and the pilot's words, "Welcome To Cleveland, the local time is 6:44pm" fill the cabin. I am home. And then it hit me. I realized that I am not under anyone's control. Nobody is the boss of me and nobody has the right of who I can be friends with or who I should date and I shouldn't be made to feel ashamed for any of it. If I make a mistake, I can learn from it myself. At least I'll have the satisfaction of learning it on my own, because even with everything that's happened over the last month, I don't regret a single thing. The only boss I have is myself. This is just one of the many realizations I can only get by being 12 hours away from campus. There are just so many more epiphanies I anticipate having during this process about myself that I wouldn't have otherwise had if I just stayed on campus for the weekend. Being at home for the weekend is reviving for both my self esteem and mental health. I wouldn't say exactly that this is the last step in cleansing out toxic drama, but we are sure close to getting there each and every day. I guess you can say this how to guide is to be continued….
- Why You Should Step Out Of The Rat-Race And Embrace The ... ›
- Hit That Unfollow Button And Say Goodbye To The Irrelevant People ... ›
- Mental Health In College ›
- 16 Types Of Friends You Should Dump Right Now ›
- 12 Ways Successful People Handle Toxic People ›
- 7 Types of Toxic People and How to Spot Them | Science of People ›
- 7 Crucial Steps to Minimize Drama in Your Life ›
- How to End a Toxic Friendship: 12 Steps (with Pictures) - wikiHow ›
- Toxic People: 16 Practical, Powerful Ways to Deal With Them - ›
- 6 Ways To Cut A Toxic Friend Out Of Your Life For Good ›