In college, hunger can strike without warning, for many reasons. Maybe you've actually been outside in the real world being productive for six hours. Maybe you've been working on homework for the past 12 hours and need fuel. Maybe you've been lying in bed for the past 24 hours watching reruns of your favorite nineties sitcom. At any rate, you need food, and you need it badly.

1. You think you're actually going to cook something for yourself.

HA HA HA HA HA HA no.

Props for your optimism, but I don't think you're going to be able to cook a satisfactory meal with Easy Mac, ramen, Cheetos and bagels. Let's be more realistic here. There's always the age-old classic of cereal and milk, but you've been working/napping hard. You deserve something special. You deserve a reward.

2. You look to see what's open.

The great thing about Westwood is that there are so many options! No matter what you're craving, someone somewhere is bound to sell it. Since you're too lazy or incompetent to cook for yourself, you decide to venture outside to get some food. Well, unfortunately, it's 1:46 a.m., so your options are going to be a bit limited. You check GrubHub to see what kind of fatty late-night food you're going to get, when you realize delivery exists, and it is glorious. Keep those pajamas on, everyone, because food's coming to you.

3. Life's greatest question: “What should I order?"

The problem with having so many options is that you have so many options. You tell yourself, “I'm going to branch out. I'm going to be adventurous with my food choices. Spring break is coming up, so I'm not going to order anything overly fattening." Go, you! You search through all the options, trying to find something that will satisfy your late-night cravings without making you feel like a bloated walrus the next day. Finally, you've found it, and you're ready to order.

4. Wait, delivery minimum?

The bane of every hungry college student's existence: the delivery minimum. All you want is your burrito, and they're telling you that you need to order at least $20 worth of food? What are you supposed to do, go outside and pick it up like some sort of savage? It's almost like they expect you to have friends or something.

That's right — friends! You run through your apartment, dorm or house and ask every person you see, “Do you want to order food with me?" Unfortunately everyone you run into is asleep or offers some ridiculous excuse like, “I'm not hungry" or “I'm going to bed" or “I eat meals at normal times." Whatever, guys. Don't ask me to share my food later.

5. Screw this, I need ALL THE FOOD.

At this point you're tired, you're grumpy, and you've only gotten hungrier. You forget about your salad and order yourself a pizza, cheesy pillows and chocolate cake. It's okay, you'll just eat a little bit tonight and save the rest for future hungry nights. You're so responsible! An hour later, the doorbell rings and you grab your food. The deliveryman is definitely passing judgments on you, but you don't care. You take your food back to your room and eat all of it in one sitting. You feel bloated, but alive. You flop onto your bed, simultaneously full of joy and regrets. But it's okay.