The 5 Stages Of Grief: As Told By A Procrastinator

1. Denial

It always starts a little something like this. This can't be an actual assignment. You're sure it's just extra credit, or at least optional. No way are you going to spend 4+ hours on an assignment. Or, there is no way this test is already next Tuesday. It was 3 weeks away 2 days ago. You refuse to believe this. Maybe if you just tuck it away with the rest of your papers you won't have to deal with it for awhile. That's the best approach. Definitely. Totally a good plan. Nothing could go wrong.

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2. Anger

This stage tends to end in crying, overeating, and eventually taking a nap to pretend everything is fine. But really, who does she think she is? There's no way all of this is due next week. You barely have time to live as is, on top of all this, there's no room for sleeping. You might as well just stay up all night and get everything else done too, considering there's no way you're going to get this done in a reasonable amount of time.

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3. Bargaining

Ah yes, more like begging. Dear God, it's me. I know it's been awhile but this Bio is really kicking my butt. Can I maybe suddenly get the flu? Or even just a bad cold? Or better yet what if my professor got sick? Not enough to hurt her, just to give me an extra week to do this assignment. I'll be an angel from here on out, I just need your help here. Maybe I'll even call my grandma. I bet she'd love to hear from me. Just help me out!!

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4. Depression

The nap during stage two was nothing compared to the sleep about to take place now. There's no hope. You're not getting sick, and class hasn't been cancelled (thanks a lot God). Your only hope now is to sleep it off and get up earlier tomorrow morning to finish. It's not the most practical, and you know you probably won't get up, but this procrastination thing is exhausting. Maybe next time you'll actually do the assignment before the day it's due.

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5. Acceptance

Morning has come and you've finally realized in order to keep your grade at at least a B, you have to do at least half of this assignment. It's sloppy and definitely not your best work, but at least it's done. You'd like to think next time will be different, but let's be real, the cycle isn't going to be broken anytime soon. At least for now you can go back to bed. And maybe just skip class for today..

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