It was a dark and stormy night. A roll of thunder shook the house, and a bolt of lightning flashed outside the window. The phone rang. I wondered if this could be the end. With sweaty palms and shaky hands, I picked up. It was a friend calling... to make plans.
Let me preface this article by saying I am not a hermit. I love spending time with my friends, going to the park, shopping at Kroger, etc. But anyone who knows me is well aware that my favorite place is my bed, wearing pajamas and fuzzy socks, with a mug of hot tea. I am known as "Mamaw" to many. While some might say acting like an 80-year-old when you're a college student is "lame," being a homebody definitely has its perks. Here are a few reasons why.
1. There is no surprise as to where you are
We all have those friends who are always out and about, being social and whatnot. If you get ambitious for once and call to make dinner plans, they've got 20 other things they have to do. When you're a homebody, your friends and family know you're either at home or at Kroger buying ingredients for a dessert you found on Pinterest that you will later make... at home.
2. You always look like a 10/10 when you're at home
My favorite wardrobe staple is known as The Zebra Print Bathrobe. Yes, it deserves its own capital letters, because it is that important. You know those beautiful, elaborate dresses that celebrities wear? Overrated. Imagine how itchy all those rhinestones are. To be honest, The Zebra Print Bathrobe is actually hideous. It's so old that I've had a few historians approach me about putting it on display in their museums. But when I wear it, I am queen of the red carpet. Or the couch. Same thing.
3. You will come up with any excuse not to go out
You know you don't have a good reason to turn down plans, so, in a panic, you just use your imagination. It's not lying, really. It's just... your pet goldfish needs to be fed every few hours. With sweat accumulating on your upper lip, you reply to your friend who just asked you to go to the movies. But not too quickly. That could look suspicious.
I've got a test tomorrow. Just kidding, tomorrow is Saturday. My cat has given birth. Wait, I don't have a cat. My home has been invaded by an exotic breed of human-sized rats and they won't let me leave. Nope, too bizarre. My mom said no. Except I don't live at home anymore. I dropped my hairdryer in the toilet so I can't make my hair presentable. Yeah, let's go with that.
4. You spend all day looking forward to going home
When you're at home, there is no judgment from anyone. You want to eat all the food in the refrigerator? Have a six-hour Netflix marathon? Walk around in a cucumber face mask and try on all your bathing suits? Go right ahead, because nobody will see. The only witnesses to whatever bizarre activities you partake in while at home will be your pets. But there's a reason they can't talk. It's so you can be a homebody without getting any sass from anyone.
5. You are deeply jealous of your pets
Pets have their lives made in the shade. I love my dogs, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't feel a bit of hatred every time I walked out the door and saw them settling in for a nap. They don't have to wear clothes or put on makeup, and people think it's cute when they're fat. Best of all, they never have to leave the house (unless it's to go to the vet, but that's a different traumatic story).
While I love my friends and occasionally leave the house to have somewhat of a life, "There's no place like home" is a phrase that will always be relevant to me. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to take my fuzzy socks out of the dryer while they're still warm.
